“The Game Cheating”– Gaming Through the Pain

I was inspired to write this piece literally sitting on the couch listening to my girlfriend play Days Gone. She was getting frustrated that she had to play an entire mission all over again. Because, as she so eloquently put it, “The Game Cheating.” And that’s not an uncommon phrase at all. One of my favorite sports analysts, Bomani Jones, for years has had a whole voicemail segment on his podcast dedicated to times the game was cheating.

What makes those voicemails so funny is that you can still hear the sadness and frustration from those people retelling. It’s like they’re reliving it all over again. It’s gold every single time. Of course, for someone like me who has been gaming basically my entire life, hearing her drop that one fills me with so much joy. At times, I feel like if you haven’t said that phrase at least once, you haven’t been doing this gaming thing correctly. So, thanks to her, let’s go through some of my all-time favorite “The Game Cheating” Scenarios.

‘MARIO KART’ — tHE GAME CHEATING RATING: low

Ah, Mario Kart. Famous for its rubber-band AI, allowing the CPU to catch up and pass you on some of the most fluke-ridden item pulls. I still consider this low-level for the simple fact that you can easily run that lead back up and clear the race with a solid 5-to-8-second lead over second place. And that’s accounting for the inevitable blue shell appearance. But beyond that, it’s just annoying. Nothing that would make you, say, put the game down and not come back to it for years.

‘nba 2k13’ RUDY GAY AND ‘NFL 2K’ RANDY MOSS — THE GAME CHEATING RATING: high

Back when I was heavy into the NBA 2K series before they decided to stick you up for all your money, I put years into that franchise. And there are very few players in the history of this game to be more unstoppable when playing against the CPU. We’re talking about an all-time exercise in frustration guarding this dude. It didn’t matter what you threw at him. And don’t get me wrong, prime Rudy Gay was a more than solid player. But what was done with him in 2K13 is on the level of evil. The jumper was automatic, the defense was stifling, and don’t let the game be close because he’s getting you outta here. Better run up a good lead.

NFL 2K, on the other hand, is elite gaming. I’d love to have it back, but you know, someone was scared of a little competition. Anyway, Randy Moss in this game? About as unstoppable as the real one. Go routes all day are sending you and your defense to hell. Speed, height, all of it a problem. I hated the Vikings for years because of this game. So, of course, when my Eagles beat the brakes off of them to go to the Super Bowl in 2018, you’re damn right it felt good.

‘Mortal Kombat 3’ motaro — The game cheating rating: insane

I talked about my Dad introducing me to Doom. While those are great memories, I have one memory that is not so great. Mortal Kombat 3 had me filled with rage at this gigantic centaur that didn’t flinch and easily knocked my health bar down to nothing. This fight was so annoying that I don’t even register Shao Khan on the scale — and he was hell. But Motaro, with his disappearing act, galloping into you, and high-pointed fireball, caused some problems. The hitbox and reach were crazy. The first time I beat him must have been what it was like for Kobe to win his first ring.

I really like this idea now that I’ve done it

I think I might do a few more of these. The idea of going back over some of my most hated gaming moments is fun to me. It’s easy to laugh at this stuff now, but in the moment, I really thought I would never return to these games. After all, I did a whole piece on a first-ballot “The Game Cheating Hall of Fame” entry in The Lion King. Let’s come back to this one.