For so many long, aching years here in the UK, we’ve tried to resist, but you really just can’t fight the moonlight. Can you hear me Cardiff, oh boy are you guys in for a treat, because guess what? As of April you’re going to be the first city in the UK to host a Coyote Ugly bar! Imagine that! A bar from a film that plays approximately every other day at 1am on ITV4 in your little city! What a moment!
That’s right, as of April 2016 you’re going to be the very first city in our shimmering little jewel of a nation to house and clothe a chain of pubs that label their waitresses after little furry, aggro jackals and have to considerately install neon signs to remind slobbering punters not to put their “Cocks on the Bar.” Congratulations Cardiff, you have won the egg and spoon race straight into the pits of misogi-kitch hell. Big pats on the back and a bag of liquorice to the licensing board for some truly sterling work.
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The Cardiff branch will be managed and overseen by Steve Lewis, a bloke described by WalesOnline as a “25 year veteran of the licensed drink trade” and a man that you have never clapped eyes on, but know (with unshakeable conviction) is partial to a white stetson and personalised trainers with his initials inscribed in little vagazzle-style diamond studs on the heel. He is the money man and creative inspiration behind The Adelphi and Jack Murphy’s, two august Swansea institutions.
Lewis pretty chuffed about the latest glittery peach in his portfolio, telling local press that:
“I’m a long-time fan of Coyote Ugly and think the brand is a perfect fit for me. The city of Cardiff certainly offers a great choice of bars and pubs for everyone. Nightclubs, funky bars, and traditional pubs give the Welsh capital city a scene that is now renowned worldwide.”
Coyote Ugly founder Liliana “Lil” Lovell, was also roped in to wax enthusiastic and pretend she had half an idea what a Cardiff was, saying:
“We couldn’t be more excited about exporting our version of honky-tonk to the United Kingdom and could not have found a better team with whom to partner as we enter the market. Already widely recognised as the most famous bar in the world, we expect a strong and positive reception in the UK.”
Yeah, Lil, cracking work. Sure to be popular in a city with an extremely active, exceptionally reactive university feminist society. See you down there, ladies!