In a classic case of life-imitates-Looney Tunes, a smooth criminal in Iowa City left a trail of snack foods leading from the store he just robbed. When arrested, the man was blackout drunk, smeared in nacho cheese.
The Iowa City police provided scant details of which snacks, exactly, led to Francisco Jacob Munoz’s arrest. Nacho cheese, certainly, but we can imagine all manners of Slim Jims and Mallomars and chicharróns strewn down the boulevard. We also visualize a happy crime dog scarfing up each snack as it tracked him (an Iowa City police rep declined to comment).
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But Munoz is not alone. He joins a long, proud legacy of criminals foiled by their own appetites. No matter how expertly you plan your caper—Munoz tossed a brick through a gas station window, then grabbed an armload of snacks and beer—if you don’t clean up your trail of crusts and flavor crystals, you’re toast.
Last month, in a sweet little Mother’s Day fable, a trio of thieves busted into a Build-a-Burger and Ice Cream Restaurant, stealing $29 and a 10-pound tub of macaroni salad. The buddies took turns eating from the tub as they escaped—and police followed a macaroni trail to their hideout. At least the restaurant owner was proud: “Obviously, it must be good if they took the whole ten pounds of it.”
And in April, a man in Paincourtville, Alabama hit a rough patch of luck after making off with some hot dogs and candy from a Family Dollar. This could have been a successful smash-and-grab if his bags hadn’t torn open; Public Information Officer Robert Martin said he “left a trail (of food) down the street.”
In March, a British thief nabbed a milk truck and led police on a high-speed chase through West Midlands. He probably should have closed the truck’s side door, though. Chief Inspector Simon Pemberton could barely contain his glee: “It’s not often our officers are called to pursue a milk van! The suspect left a trail of breakfast destruction in his wake with bottles of milk and loaves of bread strewn along Small Heath Highway.”
Back in fall 2013, four thieves made off with $120 worth of fast food from a Carls Jr. in Rocklin, California. This was the grand finale of an evening of smash-and-grab car break-ins; they used a stolen credit card from their spree to buy the food. These guys were so amped from their baller score, they posed on Instagram with the stolen burgers. Apparently police use the Internet, too.
Also on the ‘gram, a couple accused of stealing 700,000 identities had an illicit meeting at a Morton’s steakhouse. In a bit of enterprising sleuth work, IRS investigators tracked the couple from a bit of Instagram food porn they had labeled “Morton’s.” It is unclear why they felt compelled to take the risk; it’s kind of a gross-looking photo.
In a grislier turn, police caught a break in the recent four-person murder in a DC neighborhood—DNA was found on a pizza crust left at the crime scene. Authorities caught up with the suspect and arrested him, but according to his attorney, the accused murderer doesn’t even like pizza. (Side note: Pizza crust DNA was also used to nab the Grim Sleeper serial killer in 2010.)
A 62-year-old Chinese woman tried to steal 20 buns from a Hong Kong cake shop last year. When spotted by store employees, she frantically tried to wolf down the evidence; the woman made it through three buns before police arrived. She ended up getting violent, lashing out at staff and leaving one cop with a “sore face.” Even during the altercation, she kept trying to eat the buns.
Three Icelandic men were arrested with tomatoes, mushrooms, cheese, and Mr. Kipling cakes (French Fancies!), taken from a supermarket last January. Thing is, they had actually nicked the food out of a “skip” (British for dumpster) behind the shop; they protested their actions weren’t criminal. “A dishonest action would be wandering into a store and filling your pockets with what is on the shelves,” said Paul May, one of the men. “We didn’t do that.” Mercifully, charges were later dropped.
Lesson to would-be criminals? Eat the evidence.