My 60-year-old Chinese mother loves steak and potatoes, and describes fine dining as a palm-sized portion of food that doesn’t look like food, placed on the edge of a giant white plate that’s been splashed with a squiggle of sauce reminiscent of finger-painting.
My mom is clearly not the demographic when it comes to the kind of cuisine that’s been popularized by Nordic restaurants, but there are some hallmarks of its modern approach to cooking that even non-foodies can identify with. When chefs use tweezers to place tiny foraged leaves atop mushroom foam, for example, they attempt to mimic the appearance of a forest (despite the fact that you might not want to eat a foamy mushroom). There’s also the negative space on the plate so that your soul can really taste the emptiness that your stomach is also feeling after the sixth course of rose petals and beef essence.
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While most people have a love-hate relationship with this style of cooking, two months ago, a mysterious Instagram account attributed to one Chef Jacques la Merde (which means “Jack Shit” in English) popped up, with intricate plates of food that look straight out of a tasting menu in Copenhagen. But when you look closely, you’ll see that the ingredients on the plates are the last thing you’d expect on a high-end menu: corn dogs, baby food, TV dinners, Kinder eggs, gummy dinosaurs, and even Lunchables’ sad, meat-like rounds. On one plate, it’s a Hostess cupcake resting on a bed of yogurt-covered raisins, Dunkaroos, a Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino frozen to look like caviar beads, mint leaves, and some moss thrown in for good measure. Judging by his captions, he’s a junk food-loving, Pacojet-using bro who is living the #cheflife to the fullest.
While parody accounts are dime-a-dozen, obvious care and planning has gone into each photograph, showing that anything can be made up to look like a $50 dish and that sometimes it’s more style than substance. (No joke, I once had a dish that contained “elk velvet”—the fuzz on the antlers of an elk. It tasted of sadness and hangry. The restaurant that served it has since closed.) In order to capture the full-on, all-cap-tastic spirit of the mysterious la Merde, we asked him over email about his thought process, inspiration, and his favourite set of tweezers.
MUNCHIES: So, Jacques, where can diners go to get a taste of your cooking? Is the restaurant harder or easier to get into compared to elBulli? Jacques la Merde: BRO!!! EL BULLI IS CLOOOOOOSED !!!!! WE DO BOOK UP PRETTY FAR IN ADVANCE, BUT THERE’S OFTEN SEATS AT THE BAR. PPL CAN ALSO RECREATE MOST OF OUR DISHES USIN CLASSIC TECHNIQUES AND A FEW SIMPLE, HONEST INGREDIENTS FROM A LOCAL GAS STATION !!!!
Where did you do your stage? I WORKED AT APPLEBEES FOR LIKE 7 YRS DOES THIS COUNT?
How would you describe your clientele? WE R LUCKY THAT WHAT WE R DOIN APPEALS TO A LOT OF PPL. IT WAS RUFF AT FIRST, B/C WE WEREN’T SUPER TRENDY, BUT THEN WE INSTALLED A LOT OF EDISON BULBS AND PUT PORK BELLY ON THE MENU, AND NOW WE R SLAMMIN EVERY NIGHT !!!
What goes in your head when you’re thinking about how to plate a dish? FLAVOUR, TEXTURE, PLUS GETTING A LOT OF INGREDIENTS ON A PLATE AND NOT A LOT OF FOOD !!!
What’s your favourite set of tweezers to use? I HAVE A CUSTOM PAIR W/VERY TINY LED LIGHTS FUSED TO THE END. THEY ARE 100 P. SOIGNÉ. THE BATTERY PACK IS A HASSLE BUT WORTH IT 4 THE PRECISION FACTOR!!!
Who would you love to do a collaboration dinner with? BRETT THE HIT MAN HART. I KNO HE’S NOT TECHNICALLY A CHEF, BUT I JUST FEEL LIKE HE HAS A REALLY “CAN DO” ATTITUDE AND WOULD BE A FUN BRO TO HANG OUT WITH!!! ALSO OG ANDRE SOLTNER A CLOSE SECOND !!!
What would happen if you took a photo of your food from the side rather than above? IT WOULD STILL BE TIGHT !!!
What’s the “it” ingredient right now? CHARCOAL ANYTHING. ITS GREAT BC U HAVE A LOT OF FLEXIBILITY!!! YOU JUST HEAT SOMETHING TIL ITS BURNT AND THEN PULSE IT. I USE MY SEARZALL FOR ADDED SOIGNÉ CRED!!!
Describe what happened during your worst night of service. PAULY SHORE CAME INTO THE RESTAURANT AND WE WERE ALL SO HYPED!!! WE STARTED PUTTING TOGETHER THIS CRAZY TASTING MENU, DOIN ALL THESE SENDOUTS, SPHERIFYING EVERYTHING, WRAPPIN STUFF IN GOLD LEAF. THEN WE REALISED IT WAS JUST SOME WOMAN WHO LOOKED LIKE PAULY SHORE, SO THAT WAS A REAL LET DOWN.
Maybe next time. Thanks for talking with me.
