The world, as it were, can be a cruel, dark place. And that is precisely why we as a society take such comfort and reassurance in earthly pleasures like an implacably toasted piece of bread. Alas, however, even toast in all its bready glory seems to be wholly under attack as of late. One cheeky citizen of the British Empire has actually taken it upon himself to bestow judgment upon our blessed toast. God save the queen.

Yes, the delightfully named Finn Mciver, a resident of Liverpool, has started a Twitter account in which he turns toast-making into a Truman Show-esque contest. On Rate My Toast, amateurs in the toast biz can upload pictures of their toasty creations. Mciver then proceeds to rate them—or berate them, as the case tends to be. Rate My Toast now has close to 15,000 followers, apparently proving the old adage that people totally enjoy having their toast insulted.

Because insult people’s toast he does.

For example, one eager participant uploaded a piece of toast with a pale yellow substance smeared upon it. The rating: 0 out of 10. The commentary: “Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse you submit this pissy hot bread.”

Well, then.

How does Rate My Toast like avocado toast? Not so much. Yet another 0 out of 10! The comments to this submission were no kinder. “Nobody likes avocado they just eat it for attention.”

Fair enough, but how does our twisted puppet master enjoy it when one of his puppet moves to its own tune? When one Twitter user sent in a picture of an omelette, Rate My Toast calmly stated “That’s an omelette. 0/10” and left matters at that.

That isn’t to say that Rate My Toast doesn’t have its own favorites. While most Americans would consider the combination to be at the very least visually repulsive, Rate My Toast found @_The12thMan’s submission of beans and cheese on toast—A play on the classic English beans on toast—to be “Incredible. A symbol of British engineering. 11/10”.

Knowing that I could do better, I decided to submit my toast to this scion of sourdough. I immediately ran to the nearest bodega, whipped the place clean of any and all bready goods, and got to work. Despite my creative efforts, I’ve yet to hear back from Rate My Toast on my fabulous submissions, but assured I’m waiting with baited breath and loaded toasters.

Keep on toasting!