This Week in Food Porn

You’re a busy person. You’ve got places to go, people to see, hot takes to construct on the dancing ladies emoji as a symbol of fourth wave feminism. You can’t possibly be expected to keep track of all the #latteart #foodgasm pics posted to Instagram on the reg.

But going about your day-to-day life in ignorance of food-related uploads to popular photo sharing websites is no way to live. Which is why we’ve taken it upon ourselves to help, one carefully filtered bao bun shot at a time.

Welcome to This Week in Food Porn, MUNCHIES’ guide to the most drool-inducing pics posted to the ‘gram in the past seven days. Our first instalment comes from an array of British chefs, producers, and all-round food fiends. With strictly no #nomnomnom.

You can thank us later, when you’re elbow-deep in icing sugar, frantically trying to recreate that macaron tower you double tapped three hours ago.

We know what you’re going to say about basic bitches and “organic rye with smashed avo” just being a good copywriting job on mush-smothered toast, but you’re wrong. A thousand creamy, green smears of wrong.

Photos like this remind us that mushrooms are probably the most feral of all pizza toppings—unidentifiable pepperoni scraps included.

Who is Clerkenwell Boy? We don’t know, the Guardian doesn’t know, Jamie Oliver doesn’t know, but he has half of London hanging onto his hot-restaurant-tick-boxing feed. The only thing more envy/rage-inducing than his immaculately appetising photos is the fact that he takes them all on a Samsung.

With tomatoes actually being a fruit—not a vegetable—we should really be displaying them as such. It’s a damn sight prettier than consigning those vine-ripeneds to the bottom drawer of the fridge.

Do you even stack, bro?

“More academic than hedonistic” may sound like the kind of caption your consciously bookish 15-year-old cousin tags her #libraryselfies with, but we’re talking about a 1976 Clos Rougeard here. That’s a completely different type of book smarts.

You know you’re doing dinner right when your plate looks like a Bauhaus-era Kandinsky—but with pesto.

This is what the pink bikini emoji was invented for: technicolour carrot-scattered, sesame-sprinkled, black rice-bolstered poke.

Nigella. With a fermenting pot and some sort of wooden implement. Don’t question, just observe.