There is no greater deity than Wine Mom. We aspire to her level of kaftan’d nonchalance, sipping that sweet berry nectar in a chair that hasn’t moved since 1998, spitting unsolicited (but golden) advice whilst we download Words With Friends onto her phone. An absolute King.
This Mother’s Day, we’re getting her, or whomstever the wine matriarch presence of your life may be (your BFF? frenemy? yourself?), some wine-themed presents that say, “The glass is half-full, but the bottle is half-empty!!!!!!!!!!!!” Which brings us to the whole motherhood-begets-big-alcohol-consumption trope, which is pretty fucked up. We’re not here to do that! We’re simply here to raise another (and another) glass to people who have mothered others, and who also enjoy kicking back on a pool noodle with a glass of prosecco.
There are subscription packages for natural-wine-curious moms, and baubles for hosting a little summertime aperitivo with her vaccinated pals. There are loads of juicy and dry California grapes, for the mom who missed that annual crusade to Napa last year with her friends. Whether near or far, here’s a tipsy scale of wine mom gifts (starting at under $10) to help her fly delightfully close to the sun this Mother’s Day.
Did ma just come from the Catalina Wine Mixer?
...Or is that a Winc wine subscription we spy arriving at her doorstep? The California-based winery will give you an online Myers–Briggs test to figure out your (or your mom’s) tastebuds with questions like, “Do you like mushrooms?” and then send you monthly shipments of wine catered to your tastes. Our favorite package is the four (very aesthetic) bottles for $59 a month, with each selection fully edit-able (you can swap out for different bottles). There’s a solid selection of California grapes, naaaaturally, as well as wines from Argentina, France, Italy, and other wine-y places. You get $20 off your first order and shipping is included, so you’re getting all that chablis for pennies, my lad.
Good for wine (and sherry, and shots of mezcal)
Well, isn’t that clever. These wine glasses do two things mother approves of: They look gewd, and they multitask. One end of the designer MAMO glass can cradle her Côtes du Rhône, and the other can hold a splash of sherry, all while looking rather modern (but not stressful, like other wine glasses that say, “I’m diFfErenT”).
MAMO Cocktail Glass (Set of Four), $100 at Coming Soon
Build the ambiance
This is your Olive Garden. Your bargain store Tuscan Villa. We saw these lights at the gift shop at one of the kitschiest resorts in the United States, the Madonna Inn in San Luis Obispo, California, and had to have them for momma’s summertime bar, whether it’s inside or outside.
Wilson & Fisher Deluxe Grape Cluster Light Set, $55.98 at Amazon
So she and her buds can mark their glasses
Now that we’re all getting juiced on J&J et. al., Mother will be inviting her friends over to sip and catch-up. As they get increasingly loosey goosey, having wine charms to remember whose is whose will be gr8. Bonus points to these charms for living right on the wine stopper, and for including a corkscrew. Pair it with a nice bottle and you’re golden.
Rabbit Two-Step Corkscrew & Wine Charms Stopper, $32 at Food52
Your mother is Amy Sedaris
Red Wine Glass Earrings, $8.14 at Etsy
Introduce her to natural wine
This will be cute, because it’s something you and mother can explore together. Natural wines typically contain fewer sulfites, which for many people can mean fewer headaches and less harsh hangovers. They also have such a nice juicy, dry, sediment-y taste that it’s almost hard to go back to any other wine when you’re looking for a very drinkable bottle. The natty wine folks at MYSA make so many of our round-ups/gifts guides for food lovers with their subscription selection, which includes thoughtful notes on food pairings for each bottle.
Natural Wine Club, three bottles per month for $84 at MYSA
This jazzy, electric uncorker is 52% off
You might see this light-up, LED uncorker and think, Is this really another electronic thing worth buying and stuffing in a drawer? Well, Bret, it’s not for you. It’s for mamma. And she might be really damn sick of finagling out corks. As one reviewer wrote, “This is so great! No lining up, goes into the cork with [the] arrow down and pulls up with [the] arrow up button. Done”; another reviewer said “Fabulous wine bottle opener for those with arthritis.” So not so trivial, after all. One charge lasts for 40 bottles, aaaand it’s over half-off at the moment.
Home Image Stainless Steel Rechargeable Electric Wine Bottle Opener,
$59.99 $25.59 at Wayfair
Your mom is Frasier Crane
Does she like talking about Renata Tebaldi, and spitting–sorry, "tasting"–wine into large silver buckets? In Good Taste offers tasting flights in classy miniature bottles, and they’ve curated a Mother’s Day flight with eight wines from all along the California coast, and sprinkled in snacks, a bath bomb, and a brightening face mask.
Mother’s Day Mixer, $85 at In Good Taste
The lighter-than-air wine bag
Look around, for goddess sakes. Babes love BAGGU. Mother is the King of Babes, so she gets a to-go BAGGU wine bag set that takes up so little space, is washable, and weighs less than the cork.
BAGGU Reusable Wine Bag Set,
$28 $20 at Urban Outfitters
Mommy needs cheese with that
Everything in this cheese sampler comes from the rolling hills of Jasper Hill Farm in Greensboro, Vermont, “where—get this—there’s a 22,000-square-foot, seven-vaulted cellar for aging cheddars and blues” and every cheese “is made with top-notch milk from a single herd of cows, too (either Jasper Hill’s or one at a nearby creamery).” Aw, mother will think, as she slams that tree-bark wrapped Harbison cheese.
Jasper Hill Farm Cheese Tasting Box (Starter Kit), $60 at Food52
Get her a variety of cheese-compatible crackers: Sourdough Sea Salt, Rosemary Garlic, and Tomato Basil from the Black-owned company, Moonshot. All of their crackers are “made with organic, regeneratively grown ingredients, heart healthy oil, and no added sugar.”
Climate Friendly Crackers (Variety Pack), $18 at Moonshot
Angela Lansbury would approve
This time, it’s your turn to tell mother a bedtime story. These aquatic napkins, each appliqued and embroidered with fish, feature one blue "professor" fish, as evidenced by his jug of wine, who is teaching his five fish pupils the etiquette of drinking.
School of Fish Appliqued and Embroidered Linen Cocktail Napkins (Set of Six), $175 at 1stDibs
Frame this for the kitchen or garage
Perhaps a little pricey for a poster, but if you go in with all your eight siblings this would be such a cool gift. Wouldn’t it look great in the kitchen or garage? There’s something about the most basic, graphic 1960s fonts that makes them hippest of all.
1960s Original Vintage Poster Les Vignobles De France Wine Region Map French Vineyards, $782.30 at 1stDibs
Sip well, Divine One.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. VICE may receive a small commission if you buy through the links on our site.