“It was super chewy and hard to get down, kind of like eating a really tough piece of Styrofoam.” —Ian Burke
Still, let’s say I did take a bite. Might there be any nutritional value, even in a life-or-death situation? “Just because something isn’t toxic doesn’t mean it's edible,” said Abbey Sharp, a registered dietician. “It's very likely that our bodies would not be able to digest and absorb the substance because we lack the specific enzymes needed [to do so].” She predicted digestive havoc: constipation, diarrhea, and potential risk of bowel and intestinal blockages. “Even if your body could digest some pieces of the shoe, there is a negligible amount of nutrition in Croslite,” she concluded. “If you’re stranded in the woods, you're better off using those Crocs as a weapon to catch something you can actually eat.”I was bummed but not surprised that a nutritionist didn’t want me to eat a feedstock byproduct. Besides, this quest was as much about peeling back the footwear’s layers of EVA foam as it was the personalities of those who were down to digest their fugly shoe. Why do they do it? Do the Crocs-eaters of the world have a taste for self-flagellation that goes beyond adolescent tomfoolery? Maybe. But I think at the heart of the Crocs-hungry consumer is a blend of curiosity and gumption. After all of this Croc talk, I gave my own pink platform Croc a lick for posterity. Almost instinctively, I went in for a bite. It was harder than I expected, but it was also raw and unboiled, so I slapped it against the wall like a fresh fish until I realized I needed to take a step back. Hours of Crocs research tenderized the shoe in my mind, but reality (this shoe tastes like a tire) would be a harder swallow. I didn’t swallow a piece, in the end, but that’s OK. Maybe it’s not always about eating a Croc, but just mustering the courage to have a taste.
“Regardless of the material makeup, for no reason do we recommend eating Crocs shoes. They are for wearing purposes only and/or to be personalized with Jibbitz charms as a form of self-expression.” —Melissa Layton
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