If you love something, and you leave it unsecured outside on your property, it's going to get stolen. If it is returned to you, undamaged, in a timely fashion, then you can proceed with your Boo on the Bayou event, as planned.
OK—that doesn't quite work as an aphoristic bit of relationship wisdom. But that's the reality of owning a terrifyingly life-like Leatherface mannequin, as one Alpharetta, Georgia restaurant recently learned.
Last week, Flatlands Bourbon and Bayou posted a video provided by the Alpharetta Department of Public Safety of a man in pink shorts, glasses, and a zip-up sweatshirt strolling casually up to their patio, and making off with Leatherface, who, although unwieldy, appears to be lighter than I would have assumed. (I can assure you that this is not me, both because I am not a roughly five-foot-ten Caucasian man and also because my horror movie tolerance is such that I once watched Seven in college and am still frightened by casual instances of that integer.)
But whoever wanted to look into the lifeless eyes of the classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre killer was quickly thwarted by the groundswell of citizen engagement. The video racked up more than 22,600 views (not bad for a city with a population just around three times that), and about a day after Leatherface was reported missing, Leatherface was reported found.
"Just want to personally thank the community for all your help and for the detectives for bringing leather face [sic] back home.. he was missed," Flatlands Bourbon and Bayou executive chef Francois Duquette commented on the Facebook post. He continued on to say that the restaurant would not be pressing charges.
Now, a coffee shop in Virginia is hoping for similarly swift justice following the theft of their beloved scarecrow.
Over the weekend, Agora Downtown Coffee Shop shared security footage on their Facebook page, writing:
We were reluctant to post the footage, and we're aware that it might not seem to be a big deal and the scarecrow contest is supposed to be a fun thing, but we did put a lot of time and effort into this scarecrow and the contest is still going on - and one of our employees let us use some of his clothes and other personal items for it that we would really like to get back. We've given lots of time for the thieves to come forward and they haven't, so if you know who this is, please tell them to bring us back our stuff or let us know who they are. We left him out by mistake just this one time on a Monday night, and that was all it took.
Thank you all!
Earlier reports that the scarecrow had been found were mistaken. That was "a different scarecrow taken a different night," according to the coffee shop.
If you're in the Fredericksburg area, the missing strawman looks like this:
And for everyone else: You know it costs, like, zero money to make your own scarecrow, right?