Look at this monstrosity. It's a Hewlett Packard J2300 series protocol analyzer. Twenty years ago it was a computing workhorse, sold for up to $20,000 to the most discerning of tech professionals and early internet cowboys.
Now, it's just kind of grotesque. YouTuber Lazy Game Reviews got his hands on one and shows us around the beast's bells and whistles. It sounds like a jet engine when it boots up, as if all 20 pounds of it is about to heave itself off the table (it's definitely not going in your lap, despite technically being a "laptop").
A key on the mushy mechanical keyboard ejects a tiny, dangling mouse from the side, adding another delightfully WTF element to this thing.
If you have to have one of these big brutes in your own home, you can pick one up for around $300 on eBay. That's cheaper than most laptops on the market now, and doubles as a footrest, or doorstop, or deadly weapon if you can swing it by the handle hard enough.