A Yogurt Company Wants to Pay Five Randos $2,000 to Devise New Flavors

Hey, all you yogurt lovers out there… here's some “noosa” you can use-a! Haha!

Yogurt company noosa is now recruiting five lucky randos to devise its newest flavors, the company announced in a press release on Wednesday.

The Flavor Finder contest seeks to attract "passionate foodies“ to add to the company’s already-robust array of flavors. Some are quotidian, while others are rather playful: Current offerings include passionfruit, tart cherry, vanilla bean, blood orange strawberry rhubarb, pear & cardamom, orange & ginger, blackberry serrano, and raspberry habanero.

“We’re hiring!” the contest’s landing page exclaims. This is something of a lie—the five winners of the contest will receive a $2,000 stipend to be spread out between May and September. Winners will take an “immersion trip to the noosa farm” in Bellevue, Colorado, followed by the chance to use that wad of cash to travel anywhere in the world to find "inspiration" for their flavor. The terms and conditions stipulate that the $2,000 sum will be doled out in two installments—first upon arrival in Colorado, the second after "two social posts about noosa Yoghurt during the summer of 2018." Cool.

There are three portals for applications: Twitter, Instagram, or noosa's very website. As of Wednesday morning, the site's been populated with such proposed hybrid flavors as “chai peach,” creme brûlée, “fruity pebbles,” and "margarita cupcakes." Some are, frankly, combinations I would not wish to find within my precious tubs of probiotic culture, but what the hell do I know?

Application requirements aren’t terribly rigorous—simply submit a photo with written information on the food you’re drawing from and a “caption that describes your foodie flavor inspiration.” (Entrants must also tag @noosayoghurt and use the hashtag #flavorfindercontest.) Entries close on April 20.

When reached for comment by MUNCHIES via email on Wednesday, a noosa representative explained that judges measure entries based on the caption (33 percent), the photo's "originality" (33 percent), and "the taste bud appeal” (34 percent). A panel of in-house noosa employees will decide who four finalists are, while a fifth will be chosen by members of Cream of the Crop, described by the noosa representative as “fans who are basically HUGE fans of the brand.”

Folks, go nuts. Think outside the freakin’ box. Imagine all the markets that yogurt has left untapped—we're talking durian yogurt. Tamarind. Turmeric. Squid ink. Viagra.

Hell, keep it simple. Be the daredevil who resuscitates grape yogurt. Poor grape, relegated to short-lived limited-edition batches, the subject of failed market experiments, according to some dude on Yahoo Answers 11 years ago.

Please, someone, remedy this and be the samaritan who gives America grape yogurt. Hurry.