Men Compose Haiku About Their Penises

"My soggy spring roll / You lil grow-er, not show-er..."
January 12, 2018, 1:04am

Five-seven-five (syllables)! The haiku, a traditional short-form Japanese poem dating back to the 9th century, is an excellent way to express emotion sparsely and simply. In 1913, Ezra Pound published the first one written in English, and it has since become popular among English-speaking poets too. The haiku was originally intended to convey the poignancy of "nature", including human activities and affairs (people also being part of the natural world). So we ran with that and asked a few men to attempt their own, reflecting on the natural phenomenon that is the penis.


Jack, 26
I secretly peek
At my friends' larger willies
I feel deep envy

Richard, 32
A treasure hidden
Never seen in the daylight
So why the freckles?

Kostas, 33
What the fuck is that
It wasn’t there yesterday
Please be an ingrown

Will, 31
My soggy spring roll
You lil grow-er, not show-er
Controlling my brain

Sam, 28
When going in blind
It’s natural swing finds no cleft
It hangs so far left

Tom, 31

My dick is plastic

It soothes my dysphoria

Such is life, for me

Frank, 25
It’s fine I’ll pull out
Narrator: it was’t fine
Morning after pill

Liam, 26
Well, you're slightly bent
But we've had some good times and
Maybe straight is dull

Mike, 25
A butterfly stomach
The stare, shame and shaking wrist
Brings out my worst side

Jack, 39
My best friend, at first
Then you got too complacent
Please, please do your job

Thomas, 29
Oh my god sit down
Stop waving to everyone
You are not the queen

Jamie, 35
About five minutes
Before the alarm goes off
I’m already up

Seb, 27
Concentrate. Exhale.
Cook dinner with chilli. Pee
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