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Some pissed off Egyptians tried to block the Suez Canal this weekend, but you were probably too drunk to notice.
March 11, 2013, 8:00am

Rioting
THERE WAS MORE VIOLENT FALLOUT IN EGYPT OVER THE PORT SAID FOOTBALL DISASTER
A bunch of people set fire to a police station and tried to block the Suez Canal

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After a judge upheld his death sentence verdict for the 21 people involved in the Port Said stadium tragedy, and jailed a further 24, protesters in Port Said tried to block the Suez Canal with boats and set fire to restaurants and a police station.

The original verdict sparked riots in the area, something Egypt as a whole could probably have done without amid the last year or so of extended violence and rioting.

Protesters argue that the sentences are unfair, with one man claiming his friend had been convicted for 25 years for "helping to carry the dead outside the stadium".

The latest bout of sentencing also roused calls from residents of Port Said to separate the city from the rest of the country after complaints that it is "always targeted, the city and all its people".

Two deaths have been confirmed as a result of the riots.

Legitimate Claims
HOSTAGES OF NIGERIA'S MILITANT ISLAMIST GROUP ANSARU ARE FEARED DEAD
Nobody believed Ansaru's claims that they'd killed them at first, but now they do

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Nigerian group Ansaru, suspected to be an offshoot of the Islamist Boko Haram network, released a statement on Saturday claiming that they had killed the seven foreign hostages they took from a construction site last month.

UK Foreign Secretary William Hague said a British construction worker, named as Brendan Vaughan, was "likely to have been killed at the hands of his captors, along with six other foreign nationals".

The Italian government issued a similar statement and the Greek foreign ministry said, "The information we have shows that the Greek citizen is dead."

No statement has yet been released from Lebanon, where the remainder of the hostages were from.

Ansaru said in their statement that the hostages had been killed because of a rescue attempt by British and Nigerian forces, but Britain's military said the British warplanes that had been spotted in Nigeria were there to carry soldiers to the conflict in Mali – not to rescue hostages.

Anti-Semitic Oboes
THE VIENNA PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA ARE GOING TO PUBLISH DETAILS OF ITS NAZI PAST
Which isn't really a sentence you'd expect to read about an orchestra

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Following accusations of a cover-up, the Vienna Philharmonic orchestra is due to publish details of its history during the Nazi era.

The orchestra presented a ring of honour to Baldur von Schirach, a Nazi governor of Vienna, in 1942, but it is claimed that von Schirach lost the ring and was given another one when he was released from Spandau prison in the 1960s for crimes against humanity.

Von Schirach oversaw the deportation of tens of thousands of Jews to concentration camps, which doesn't really seem like something worth rewarding with a ring once, let alone twice. And especially not as congratulations for walking free after potentially the worst criminal charge you can be convicted of.

Orchestra chairman Clemens Hellberg has been accused of failing to include details of the Philharmonic's Nazi links in his 1992 book Democracy of Kings, which is widely regarded as the orchestra's official history.

The Philharmonic are expected to reveal details of 13 musicians said to have been driven out of the orchestra because of their Jewish origins or their stance on Germany's annexation of Austria.

Romance
BIDS FOR A BRAZILIAN SEX DOLL'S VIRGINITY HAVE SURPASSED £70,000
She's a very special piece of plastic

(Image via)

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Because taking the "virginity" of an inanimate piece of plastic with some paint on it is what really makes a boy a man, it comes as little surprise that a bidding war on Valentina, Brazil's first life-like sex doll, has already surpassed $105,000 (£70,370) and is still climbing.

Brazil has recently made a name for itself in auctioning off virginities, with 20-year-old Catarina Migliorini selling her hymen to an anonymous bidder at the end of last year for £485,000.

The thing is, Catarina didn't have what Valentina has: "skin that's similar in texture to human skin".

The auction ends on the 31st of March, leaving another couple of weeks for anyone too crippling sexually afraid to spend money on a prostitute (or anyone who's attracted to skin that almost feels like skin) to place their winning bid.

Gang Revelations
THE FBI REVEALED THEIR FILES ON THE JUGGALO GANG
Turns out Insane Clown Posse fans aren't really a gang – who knew?

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Remember when the FBI classified Juggalos – fans of Insane Clown Posse who dress like washed-up clowns with a Guns & Ammo subscription – as a gang?

Well, files from their 14-month investigation were released over the weekend and it turns out that there really isn't any evidence to support the Bureau's theory after all, which is a soothing end to months of fret around the world after it was alleged that "350 to 400 traffic violations [were] issued" at last year's Gathering of the Juggalos music festival.

So as abhorrent as traffic violations are, they apparently don't justify classifying a group of people as a gang.

The rap duo is now suing the FBI for withholding information about why it put the group on the National Gang Threat Assessment list in 2011.

Here's hoping Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope turn up to court in character and full makeup to make this whole situation even more ridiculous.