Some guy calling himself "Dollar BIllions" made a video this week called "How to Get a Crackhead off Your Motherfuckin' Front Porch." In it, an apparently hallucinating woman who wants to buy drugs, gets sprayed with a garden hose on a 57 degree Christmas Eve morning. LOL. 3,585 internet points!
He says in the video, "This is the kinda shit you gotta deal with in a trap, know what I'm sayin'?" I do know what he's saying. If you run a trap house, you're profiting from the hopelessly addicted. And when they won't leave because they have nothing to quiet their agony, that must be pretty goddamn annoying.
"Step one," he says, is "You're gonna have to light a blunt, because everybody knows it's too damn early for this shit." Step two is acted out, not spoken: He sprays the woman on his porch with a hose.
Upon being sprayed, the woman in the video shrieks and runs maybe 20 feet, while Dollar Billions says, "This strategy is also effective against punk rock hoes that will not get off yo dick. Have a nice day. Share and go viral." The tactic must be more effective on hoes, actually, because the woman can still be heard ranting and raving in the background, having not—despite his efforts—actually left.
That's probably because withdrawals are more uncomfortable than being sprayed with a hose on a chilly morning.
When there's a psychiatric emergency happening on their property, crack dealers might think their resources are limited to hoses and cops—and they're obviously not about to call the cops. In most urban communities, however, the police won't do much unless the homeless person is in the middle of committing a crime.
It's better to call your local homeless outreach hotline. These organizations are particularly active during the winter, and what they're out there to prevent, essentially, is people being sprayed with hoses by internet douchebags.
If you have a substance abuse problem, find a treatment center through the Department of Health and Human Services. To find ways to get involved in combating the homelessness problem, visit the National Coalition for the Homeless website.
Follow Mike Pearl on Twitter