A Homo’s Qualm With Monster Cocks

I’m alone in my basement, picking my nose, and staring at the screen wondering how to go about this article. I suppose I will go with brutal honesty, for it’s just in my nature, and I’m feeling a little cunty right now, got that?! Good!

To begin, I was in a bit of sexual dry spell recently, and for longer than I had hoped. When I am in school I have a problem allowing myself to have any sort of enjoyment at all due to being a “perfectionist”, and I guilt trip myself out of any sort of fun or pleasure I was or could be having. However school is done, and I am happy to say the dry spell is over. I’ve been bouncing back and forth from one dick to another like an obsessive-compulsive nymphomaniac whose pathetic life depends on getting stuffed by meaty hogs. Classy, I know, but that’s one thing I know I am not. With all this dick on the go, I’ve really started to develop a bit of qualm with big dicks, and I’m not taking just pretty big, I mean monster dicks, or more specifically the bigger dicks attached to them.

First off big dicks are overrated, I mean sometimes they can be, you know when uhhh… oh who the fuck am I kidding? There isn’t anything quite like a fat meaty cock rattling around inside you just right. Big dicks are great, but sometimes these monster cocks influence their male owners to become walking sacks of shit more repulsive than the rats eating at the underside of your dead grandmother’s cadaver.

One, the men can become vilely arrogant, and secondly there are a good chunk that are terrible in bed, you know what I’m talking about, don’t ya? No rotating hips, no change of direction, no change in pace or position, just a redundant back and forth. In these situations I can’t help but picture Bill Lumbergh from Office Space in going “Bbbaaccckkk aanndd ffoorrthh” over and over until my brain shits itself. If these men hadn’t been gifted with that giant log hanging between their legs, leaving without a single word would be nothing short of appropriate. However, I am a rather formidable opponent in the bedroom, and I know how to work with what is in front of me, so I simply turned them into an apparatus and made that shit work.

Back to arrogance and conceit. These two lovely characteristics are always walking hand in hand, jerking each other off, and telling each other how wonderful they are; give it a fucking rest already. Come on guys, there is no need for this putrid behaviour. If you’re speaking, acting, and engaging people in a conceited fashion, I don’t give a shit how big your dick is, I want nothing to do with you. Can you believe some men purposely act this way to put on airs that they have huge cock? These dumb assholes have let too much blood run to their erections, and their brain is suffering for it. It’s confidence we want to see, confidence is what you need to exude. Confidence and arrogance are completely different, and somewhere along the line some golden locked rich pretty boy mixed the two up, and a bunch of other dumb not quite as rich assholes followed suit; it’s tragic really. The breed of nice, yet assertive and confident men is dying out. It’s being replaced by the low IQ, in love with themselves, and who would rather look in a mirror and jerk off than have mind blowing sex just because someone isn’t as pretty as they are in their own mind. *sigh*

Saying all that, this queer still dreams of meeting that perfect man who in addition to being rich, successful, and drop dead gorgeous, can actually give me a fucking orgasm and stuff me like a thanksgiving turkey dinner. Also a man who doesn’t peter off into a soft gentle lull after HIS pathetic orgasm which leaves me unsatisfied (yet again, it’s hard find a really good fuck sometimes), and has him incapacitated and reduced to a repulsive comatose state where you want to tuck him like a baby, give him his bottle, and then swift kick to the face. Oh in a perfect world I will meet that man, but we all know we are in a world far from. So in the meantime I’ll work with what’s around, and succumb to crawling home, forced to jerk off after I fuck so I can at least fall asleep and lie to myself that the sex wasn’t that bad. Where are my fucking meds?

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