One night I was reading the blog of a friend of a friend of my ex-gf (oh, the layers) and came across what has since become my new obsession: Broad City. Broad City is a hilarious web series by two UCB alumns, Abbi Jacobson and the love of my life, Ilana Glazer. Watch some of their videos here, and if you don’t like them, then that means you’re fucking stupid.An appreciation for a woman’s sense of humor has become so entangled in my dating life, that at this point I can basically come in my pants just by looking at a picture of Tina Fey or Maya Rudolph. Not because of their looks (though both are hot ladies, to be sure), but because I can, upon sight, cue up a mental montage of hilarious things I’ve heard them say, and then from there I picture us having drinks on an outdoor patio in the city somewhere, ripping on everyone who passes by, and then I orgasm. It’s that easy. Porn is too everyday now, too vanilla. What works best for me is the hope of meeting someone who is fun and bitchy and has dark curly hair and is named Ilana Glazer. FULL CIRCLE!Dear Ilana,I know we’ve never met, but I’ve been doing extensive research on you via your Facebook, Twitter, YouTube videos, and Google Image searches, and it’s become quite apparent that we were meant to be together forever. I think you’re beautiful and funny and, while I’m not a fan of smoking pot myself, I’d gladly buy you all the weed in the world if you’d let me take you out on a big fat date. Perhaps we could go to the opening night of Breaking Dawn. That doesn’t come out until November, so you’ve got plenty of time to think this over, and get gay, you know, if you’re not already. But really, does it matter? When’s the last time a guy made you come? That’s what I thought. So really. Marry me? Think about it. IMAX!Love,KELLYFingers crossed, guys!!
Advertisement