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Sugar Weasel: I was born in Michigan and come from a long line of oddball performers and circus people. My dad’s dad literally ran away at 14 and joined the circus. I’ve been doing a fucked-up ventriloquist act since I was a kid; I called my dummy Harold Mancock III and would rattle of a string of vulgarities, throw in some made-up curse words, and get away with it by saying I had Tourette’s or some other bullshit medical condition.How did you grow into your current profession as an escort? Was there some critical moment in your past where you were like, “Light bulb! I'll be a clown escort!” Or was it a slow process?
I’ve been clowning for over 20 years in some fashion. Originally I would feign heart attacks or commit suicide, usually at the expense of some unsuspecting partygoers who thought they had hired a Christian clown. The clown escort thing came later, when I was doing a gig at a gentleman’s club and the strippers were all trying to hit my shit.
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Besides a great big dick? Actually, that’s it… My clientele is extremely diverse: recent divorcées, bachelorettes, punk rock chicks, and married women looking to fuck a grown man in make-up who acts mentally retarded.

All of America? That’s a pretty broad demographic to make such a sweeping generalization. If pressed, I’d say mostly reserved in public but motherfucking freaks behind closed doors.Are there regional requests? Like, do southern girls want you to pretend to be a pony and New York girls ask you to serve them lattes?
Chicago girls like me to put pickles and onions on my dick, but other than that, not really.

I’ll do gay clubs or bar openings but I don’t have male clients. I’m not homophobic but my junk doesn’t work that way. Guess I’m just a ladies’ man.What is one thing that you hate that clients do?
Haggle about price. Go hire another clown escort if you don’t like my rates. Oh, that’s right, I’m the only one there is.What's the oddest request you have ever gotten?
To have a menage a trois on the Showtime original series Gigolos with a couple for $500. I was like, hell no, my grandma watches softcore porn.Have you ever been arrested?
I‘ve been arrested a lot. The last time was for drunk driving. The bitch of it was that I had 27 other clowns in a Fiat with me, and 14 of us went to jail that night.Is there anything about your job that still makes you nervous or scares you?
Butt plugs. I don’t want anything larger than a baby carrot near my butthole.What's the one dominatrix tip you'd give to a starter dominatrix?
Always have a “safe” word or phrase. Mine’s “get your finger out of my asshole.”I’m getting married next year, if I booked you for my bachelorette party what could I expect?
I’d definitely drink up all the liquor, maybe crank call the groom and pretend to be his gay lover from college, pretty sure I’d sleep with your sister. Wait… you mean like my act? Every time’s different, but you can bet it’ll be a horror show.You’re totally hired!