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Vice Blog

FOUR THINGS THE INTERNET CAN TEACH YOU #4

1. THE ESTATE OF GEORGE BEST REALLY NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO SAY "NO"

I always thought that there was nothing that could make me think of a slow death by alcoholism more than a product description containing the terms "barley wine," "2 ltr," and "fill your own riggers," but the good folks over at

Monkey Wizard

Brewery just proved me wrong: You just add "

George Best

." Great work guys!

2. RELIGION TURNS YOU IN TO AN IDIOT

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On the off chance that this isn't fake, I'm going to send it to my mother as definitive proof that she is wrong. Every time I say anything negative about anything she gets all, "It's not healthy to be so cynical!" Really Mom? You'd rather I was COMPLETELY devoid of cynicism like this girl? You'd like it if I were reduced to tears because a bunch of people hid from me? I'm pretty sure I'm the healthier one.

3. ASHLY COVINGTON IS MY NEW FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD

Ashly Covington is the woman whose hands are on the cover of the

Twilight

novel. That's her above. Impressed? Of course not. The reason she's my new favorite person is that, with the exception of

Lenny Kravitz

, she's the most serious person on earth. Here are my favorite things about her: - She attends

Twilight

fan conventions where she charges people

$30 to be photographed with her

. - Of her career she says: "I moisturize 20 to 30 times a day, and wear gloves 90 percent of the time, when it's your livelihood, you've got to think hands first." - According to an

interview

she did with

The New York Post

, she spends her free time hanging around the tills at her local Barnes & Noble so she can spring surprise autograph sessions on unsuspecting

Twilight

buyers. That book's been out for five years now. I'd imagine that leads to a lot of waiting on her part. - Of her career she also says: "Your hands have to convey emotion. I was doing a shoot where I had to pick up a cheeseburger and bring it to the camera, but they wanted it to be the most delectable cheeseburger. So I said 'mmmm' and really conveyed the emotion entirely to get it reflected in my hands." - The

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Facebook fan page

she (presumably) set up for herself, contains a bio that is 945 words long.

- Of her fame she says: "I see people reading [Twilight] on the subway, and I say, 'Those are my hands! I'm a hand model!'"

- Of her fame she also says: "It seems people think we all live like supermodels and rock stars, but it's really just a regular job." - This video: Fuuuuck lady! Do people not make fun of

Twilight

enough?

4. SOMETHING IS HAPPENING TO FAMOUS WOMEN'S FACES

Seriously, WTF is going on?

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE