There was a fitting today, again. The collection isn't exactly what I'd check out first on a catwalk or on style.com, but I'm still impressed. Even though they seem extremely unorganized and totally lost, they actually aren't. They have money and interns and can afford trying out whatever they feel like. Of course interns aren't allowed to attend the fittings. The only chance to have a peek is if we have to get something or clean up leftover fur and fabric bits from the desks in the fitting room. Today I saw a pair of nice shoelaces, I will try to remember that, I'm just SO tired. It's already 11 PM and it doesn't look like we're going home for quite a while. I got a text at 9.30 PM saying: green, strippers and contemporary art. Meaning we have to do research, find fabric samples, copy stuff from books, cut everything out and pin it up on boards for tomorrow. Feels like I'm loosing my identity in all this needlework, my fingerprints have worn off. I desperately need sleep, maybe I should have a nap… If I could only get some rest I'd be more efficient. Damn, I'm tired of stupid people! Maybe they're not stupid, but they just won't listen. They're good at what they're doing and I've learned a lot, but they're also products of this absolutely insane yet really wonderful world. I don't know what to think anymore, sometimes I worry that I'm being manipulated into liking all this stuff. I'm constantly confused and overwhelmed by the overload of inspiration around me. I guess I need to learn to have a bigger perspective, or maybe I'm not taking this seriously enough. Maybe I should aim for something else to do. I would like to have a garden, I think. And a pair of Vivienne Westwood shoes…
Damn, I thought today was Thursday! Fuck! I'm so tired, I no longer know what time or day it is. Actually, after 7 PM you do know what the time is, since that's when you start feeling like going home, but there's always at least four hours of work left. It's torture not knowing when you can leave, it makes it impossible to plan anything. Once I left earlier, at 8pm, and got really bad conscience. They seem to change themes and inspiration guidelines daily. What we're working on now is too obvious and kind of ugly. Pretty much like what we've been working on thousands of times before. When you're in school you can do whatever you feel like, but now you have to make stuff you can sell, darn! I just drew a flower pattern. Oh my god, I hate flowers! They needed someone to go to the print place today so I signed up immediately. It's good to get out of that mental institution. You know, get some fresh air and see daylight sometimes! I have a crush on the guy working there but I think it's doomed. He hates my guts, I'm always there asking for scans or prints to be done, needing them as fast as possible. Last time I went there, Tony called me three times telling me to hurry up. When I got back they'd already forgotten about the super important prints. I've finally learned that there's rarely anything to get stressed about, though with that mentality they'll never employ me. Most of the people working here have been interns. One girl worked for free for two years before she got employed. I find that disgusting! I'll try to look sexier tomorrow as they treat you better if you do. Haha… sick! Going to bed now, FINALLY!
