FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Vice Blog

WHO WOULD LIKE A SACK OF MAGIC NUTS? (UPDATE)

We just spent our last $5 on this unsealed, filthy baggie of pecans off an unlicensed street vendor. Who wants 'em?

I don't know what I was thinking, except that I was hungry. A brown-toothed hippie wearing a burlap sack hawked what he said were raw pecans on a fold-up table on the main strip in Williamsburg. All the laminated literature supporting his claims were in a language of Ukranian format, but what the hey. He dropped a plastic spoonful into my hand, I gobbled them down, and instantly took out my wallet. "Here's my last $5," I said, and even showed him in the billfold that he was cleaning me out. There I stood, right around the corner from the gnarliest Salvation Army in the world, the proud owner of a yellow-and-blue-makes-green Ziploc baggie full of smashed up nuts. (UPDATE: Contest winner announced in the comments.)

Ten seconds after I walked away I started feeling really funny, all light-headed and strange in the brain. "Hey," I addressed the office. "I think I just did something really bad." And I held up this baggie of pecans, which I just noticed is filthy and isn't even air-sealed. "Ride the snake," was the response. So now we've got this sack of magic nuts in the office and we'll mail 'em to whoever promises to eat them and tell us what happens.