I, Like Vince Staples, Will “Shut the Fuck Up Forever” for $2 Million

Vince Staples is now, has always been, and will likely forever remain indifferent to your bullshit. Right now, he is tired of everyone criticizing his live show, and he’s willing to retire early if he’s compensated fully for his absence. On GoFundMe.com, he is asking for $2 million, money that he says will pay for him to to “shut the fuck up forever.” After he receives the the cash, he says in his fundraising video, “You will never hear from me again: no songs, no interviews, no nothing. If not, you can let me choose to do what the fuck I want to do, when I want to do it.”

He clears it all up a little further at the end: “Get off of my dick, or fund my lifestyle, the choice is yours. Either way, we appreciate you.”

On the GoFundMe page itself, Staples breaks down the destination of the funds in detail. The money will allow him to:

• Move to Palmdale
• Buy a Honda
• Year supply of soups for the homies locked down
• Buy a puppy

At the time of writing, Staples has raised $224.

I want to be quite transparent here. For $2 million I, too, will shut the fuck up forever. You will never hear from me again: no blogs, no tweets, no nothing. With the money, I will move to the desert, buy this old Mini Cooper pickup truck, open a limitless tab at a sandwich place for my friends, and also buy a puppy.

Either way, I appreciate you.

Send Alex Robert Ross $2 million on Twitter.