In a perfect world, a one-night stand is a wild, fun evening with a sorta hot semi-stranger. There's no shortage of ways a one-night tryst can go sideways, though. We asked friends and co-workers to recall their most regrettable one-night stands in six words."$160 Uber ride I paid for." - Ray, 35"Insane roommate chased us with gun." - Lynn, 46"Skid marks on my new sheets." - Courtney, 38"Lots of bite marks, didn't cum." - JD, 38
"Sex so bad we conversed during." - Drew, 28"He insisted I pet his cat." - Coleen, 28"Beer goggles were in full effect." - Mady, 35"Dick was so tiny I laughed." - Janae, 23"Walk of shame in foreign city." - Mandy, 35"Only wanted a beating, no sex." - Melissa, 27"Noticed post-coitus: two bikes, pink towel." - Melissa, 37"Smeared period blood on his bedspread." - Marie, 24"Fell asleep as he penetrated me." - Beth, 26"Unfortunate blowjob surprise: Autobukkake is real." - Hezekiah, 31"Scared by his baby tooth collection." - Trina, 28"Set the pillows on fire. Literally. - Dory, 30"Owned iguana. Lower back dreamcatcher tattoo." - Sam, 36"Kept thanking me. Joked about Holocaust." - Nate, 23
Illustration by Brandon Celi for VICE
"He stole my favorite fancy shampoo." - Katie, 33"Blasted Rammstein CD while we fucked." - Brenda, 36"His girlfriend's call woke us up." - Mandy, 35"Her drunk friend used the N-word." - James, 34"Screamed 'Am I a whore!?!?!?' afterward." - Tim, 23"Talked about Bible camp while cumming." - Julie, 29"Pooped in her fancy hotel room." - Kevin, 26"Unstable next-door neighbor. She moved." - Joe, 28"Naked stranger. Cops pounding in door." - Winnie, 32"Was pat on the head goodbye." - Kelly, 32"He clipped his toenails right after." - Kelly, 23"Too drunk. Don't remember it." - Alex, 38"Forgot his name. Still don't know." - Carrie, 33"Had Sublime poster on his wall." - Francesca, 29"He puked on my favorite houseplant." - Lori, 26"His cat peed on my new dress." - Shelly, 22"Showed me his porn-inspired "artwork." - Lance, 28Follow Anna Goldfarb on Twitter.