In a perfect world, a one-night stand is a wild, fun evening with a sorta hot semi-stranger. There's no shortage of ways a one-night tryst can go sideways, though. We asked friends and co-workers to recall their most regrettable one-night stands in six words.
"$160 Uber ride I paid for." - Ray, 35
"Insane roommate chased us with gun." - Lynn, 46
"Skid marks on my new sheets." - Courtney, 38
"Lots of bite marks, didn't cum." - JD, 38
"Sex so bad we conversed during." - Drew, 28
"He insisted I pet his cat." - Coleen, 28
"Beer goggles were in full effect." - Mady, 35
"Dick was so tiny I laughed." - Janae, 23
"Walk of shame in foreign city." - Mandy, 35
"Only wanted a beating, no sex." - Melissa, 27
"Noticed post-coitus: two bikes, pink towel." - Melissa, 37
"Smeared period blood on his bedspread." - Marie, 24
"Fell asleep as he penetrated me." - Beth, 26
"Unfortunate blowjob surprise: Autobukkake is real." - Hezekiah, 31
"Scared by his baby tooth collection." - Trina, 28
"Set the pillows on fire. Literally. - Dory, 30
"Owned iguana. Lower back dreamcatcher tattoo." - Sam, 36
"Kept thanking me. Joked about Holocaust." - Nate, 23
Illustration by Brandon Celi for VICE
"He stole my favorite fancy shampoo." - Katie, 33
"Blasted Rammstein CD while we fucked." - Brenda, 36
"His girlfriend's call woke us up." - Mandy, 35
"Her drunk friend used the N-word." - James, 34
"Screamed 'Am I a whore!?!?!?' afterward." - Tim, 23
"Talked about Bible camp while cumming." - Julie, 29
"Pooped in her fancy hotel room." - Kevin, 26
"Unstable next-door neighbor. She moved." - Joe, 28
"Naked stranger. Cops pounding in door." - Winnie, 32
"Was pat on the head goodbye." - Kelly, 32
"He clipped his toenails right after." - Kelly, 23
"Too drunk. Don't remember it." - Alex, 38
"Forgot his name. Still don't know." - Carrie, 33
"Had Sublime poster on his wall." - Francesca, 29
"He puked on my favorite houseplant." - Lori, 26
"His cat peed on my new dress." - Shelly, 22
"Showed me his porn-inspired "artwork." - Lance, 28
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