Sports

The Thirst is Real: Reliever David Aardsma Is Using Twitter To Find a Job

David Aardsma needs a job. And he hopes Twitter will help him find one.
July 29, 2016, 4:45pm

Wednesday night, I took in a Mets game where Yoenis Cespedes did this.

It traveled 440-feet, right over our heads, and knocked out a LED light on the second level facade. It was awesome. Then it wasn't. Jeurys Familia blew his first save after a run of 52 straight and the Metropolitans lost 5-4 to the stupid Cardinals and their stupid Way.

Less than 24 hours later, Familia dropped another one to the Rockies after the anemic Mets offense staked him to a 1-0 lead. Final score 2-1. It's time to panic. The team needs a fresh arm. Fortunately, there's a man in waiting: A veteran pitcher, we're talking thirteen-teams-and-ideally-counting-veteran reliever, who is sitting by the smartphone. Actually, he's typing it on it as we speak to let MLB know he's ready to go.

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David Aardsma is hashtagged up. #HaveGloveWillTravel

The journeyman righty has created his own little social media campaign to keep teams aware he's alive, well, and ready to chuck the ole' horsehide if they need middle-inning bullpen help. Aardsma is thirsty—and one guesses eager to make the quirk that he passed Hank Aaron for first place on the all-time MLB alphabetical list the second line of his obituary—but he's far from desperate. He's keeping his name alive through stealth tongue-in-cheek @ grabs. Case in point, this Tweet following the Chris Sale throwback fabric sale at whatever isn't called Comiskey Park.

Ill wear any jersey you give me, and i dont throw a cutter! — David Aardsma (@TheDA53)July 24, 2016

Or this one, where he lets the Phillies know he comes cheap. And is cheap.

Hell, i dont even have an asking price just need a plane ticket — David Aardsma (@TheDA53)July 27, 2016

Aardsma isn't just a Tweeter though, he's versed in various modern forms of communication, such as the podcast. He recently debuted The Bullpen with DA, letting teams know he continues to workout down in Phoenix with a sly bro-ey "gun show" intro. "I don't have a job, so my job is getting right, getting everything looking nice and tight. Baseball is an afterthought, it's all about looking good, that's all that matters," he said.

(Later, Aardsma and co-host Jimmy "The Greek"—not the dead one—had a lively Uzo digression. It's fun, check it out.)

Aarsdma needs a gig, the Mets need relief help, and he's already familiar with the franchise, having logged 40 innings for the hapless 2013 club. Sure, he gave up 39 hits and 19 earned runs, but whatever. The season is slipping away and we need a Paladin to ride in and save the day.

HaveGloveWillTravel. Just remember to send him the plane ticket. Aardsma ain't paying for that shit, he's unemployed.