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Jose Mourinho Officially Hired as Manchester United Manager

"I think I prefer to forget the past three years. I prefer to focus on the giant club I have in my hands right now. I think what the fans are expecting me to say, is that I want to win."

Jose Mourinho speaks for the first time as #mufc manager… #WelcomeJose https://t.co/DcYI3LIh0F
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) May 27, 2016

The writing was thickly scrawled on the wall, practically in Louis van Gaal's tears. Jose Mourinho had penned his tomes to Old Trafford, rumors flew, and van Gaal not so cryptically told the press, "It's over." But now it's inked: the Chosen One has chosen Manchester United, and they him.

The Premier League is truly astounding in its ability to assess failure on scales of relativity, and to cling tight to reputation at all costs. Louis van Gaal led Manchester United to a respectable fifth place, and his team had just won the FA Cup for the first time since 2004. Jose Mourinho, meanwhile, had driven a championship team irreparably into the ground, dooming Chelsea to a mid-table finish even after a severe overhaul.

"I think I prefer to forget the past three years. I prefer to focus on the giant club I have in my hands right now," Mourinho bizarrely told Manchester United PR today. "I think what the fans are expecting me to say is that I want to win. I think what the players they need to listen is that I want to win. And more than that, I need the supporters and the players to feel that I say that, but I think we can really. It's not just to say by say."

Mourinho: the reader of people.

While Mourinho's efficacy will be put to the test, the one certainty is that he'll shake things up. Mourinho's spend-happy, championship-hungry, by-any-means-possible management style attracted Manchester United, and the club will certainly benefit from dusting off the cobwebs of what has been a conservative style over the past, well, 138 years. Now if only the Manchester United front office can wrangle his post-game interviews.