There are certainly some “right” and “wrong” ways to raise a child. For example, abuse of any sort is a no-go, while offering unconditional love is a must-do.
But certain science-backed methods of parenting can help your child develop important life skills. Stanford psychologist Caroline Fleck, who is the author of the upcoming book Validation, recently shared some insight with CNBC Make It about how to raise a child to develop emotional intelligence.
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“The single greatest thing that we can do as parents is to become more skilled in validation,” she told the outlet, noting that validating a child’s feelings—rather than shaming or dismissing them—encourages growth.
How to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Children
Many people believe that these “gentle” forms of parenting are synonymous with enabling your children or refusing to call out negative behavior. However, that’s not the case with Fleck’s approach.
“The point is to validate the emotion and then focus on what’s not valid, which is the behavior, [and that’s] what needs to change,” she said.
Oftentimes, all kids (or anyone, really) crave is to feel seen, heard, and understood. That doesn’t mean you should excuse their negative actions. However, shaming them for feeling a certain way probably isn’t the solution, either. It’s more so their reaction to their feelings that becomes a greater issue. So, if you can help them navigate those emotions more healthily, odds are, you’ll be on track to developing more emotionally intelligent children.
According to Dr. Vicky Bouche, a pediatric psychologist at the Children’s Hospital of Orange County, you can validate your kids in a variety of ways, including by actively listening to them, considering their feelings in a given situation, acknowledging those feelings, and exploring ways you can support them. This will be unique to the individual child, and don’t be afraid of some trial and error.
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