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Killjoy Geologists Have Debunked Explorers’ Claim of a Buried Nazi Train Filled with Gold

Thanks for crushing our Indiana Jones dreams, rock nerds!

Nazi plunder stored at Schlosskirche Ellingen, Bavaria, April 1945. Photo via Wikipedia

You remember that train everyone was talking about a while ago? Yeah, the Nazi one with all the gold. Remember those two guys said they'd found it and that they'd reveal the location in exchange for 10 percent of the value and everyone lost their collective shit about the Indiana Jonesyness of it all?

Well, turns out it was too good to be true. After sending the world's media into a meltdown, the whole story was overturned on Tuesday by that oft-overlooked character, the glamorous geologist.

Researchers surveying the site have announced that the last words of the dying man—allegedly revealing where he'd helped hide the train over half a century ago—were most likely inaccurate. This comes despite Poland's deputy culture minister Piotr Zuchowski saying in August that ground-penetrating radar images had left him "99 percent convinced" that a German military train was buried near Walbrzych.

Speaking at a press conference on Tuesday, Professor Janusz Madej of Krakow's Academy of Mining, revealed his findings from the survey, saying in that now-infamous Polish adage, "There may be a tunnel. There is no train."

At first glance, this appears to lay to rest hopes of turning the saga into a major motion picture biopic. Now that we know the ending of The Legend of the Nazi Train Revealed in the Last Words of a Dying Man, it seems unlikely that Hollywood execs will be scrambling to greenlight it.

Or maybe this is just the beginning. Join Professor Madej, played by Harrison Ford, as he travels the world, busting local legends and romantic film plots in The Metal Detectorist. Next week, we head to Scotland for Nessy: "There may be a loch. There is no monster."