No matter what eat-right-and-exercise intentions you're starting this year with, chances are 2016 began the same way 2015 did: with the kind of bone-deep hangover that leaves your eyes bloodshot, your hands shaking, and your head soggy and full of fear. January 1 is always punctuated by the memories of embarrassing and offensive things you did on December 31. We can't help you change that. But we can give you something to look at while you hide out in you room, and perhaps provide some emotional respite and guidance.When you feel like an empty ball of pain, hollow and useless to the human race, you can always distract yourself from your shame spiral by thinking of all the delicious things that await you when you finally get up the energy to get an egg sandwich. Or just watch Nick Liu nurse Matty Matheson back to health through Chinese comfort food, and pray for your own benevolent food angel.If you're feeling particularly endorphin-starved, there's only one solution: cute animal videos. This is literally the reason the internet was invented. Don't fight it.Speaking of the internet, there is no better time to delve into its deep and sweet trove of oddities than when you're confined to a dark room nursing a coconut water. Meet the people behind the cat videos, find your next sexual fixation, or transcend time and the cosmos with a human Barbie.You've made it this far, now it's time to get stuck into some not-fully-thought-through resolutions. In 2016 your clothes will not be covered in a perma-crust of spilled food, you won't be a hot ball of anxiety, you will establish the basic outline of a unique identity. But first you need to make the promise you've made and broken so many times, but will never stop believing in: This year you will get healthy and never drink again.
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