

Advertisement


Dear Babar, great question. Remember, in a bar you’re a hunter on friendly ground. The bar is your forest: your camouflage is a smile, the drinks are your weapons, and the prey scare easy so don’t just up and grab them (it’s often deemed illegal). Here are some quick tips to get your flirt on at the drinkey-hole.● Try bringing a trophy with you. It’s a great conversation starter, and will immediately let women know that you’ve won at least one thing in your life.
● If you’re sitting next to a lady, try asking the bartender if they can break a hundred. When he says yes, say, “Show me.” This will make you appear strong and confident, but not too braggy, since you don’t have a $100 bill yourself.
● Ladies want a guy who’s reliable but not boring. Why not spend some time building a funky birdhouse out of cocktail straws at the bar?
● The mirror behind the bar is a great way to check people out; bring binoculars and tell everyone you’re “birding.”
● Women spook easily, so bring a bush into the bar and hide behind it while slowly sneaking up on a lady you fancy. Then jump out from behind it and yell, “Conversation surprise!”
Advertisement
● I love adventures, such as rock climbing and doing cocaine in public.”
● You know, I breast fed until I was five, so I’m very confident and know a lot about tits. Yours are great. Any kids attached to those?” (Point to her chest.)

Babar, it’s not just men who find talking to strangers in dark bars intimidating. Women do too. And based on the fact that your name is from a French children’s book, you’re half girl anyway.Ladies, the reason people call bars “meat markets” is because they are expensive and filled with blood. You want to make sure you go in there feeling like the best piece of meat in town. In fact, try yelling “I’m a skirt steak!” at least once a day. The secret to meeting guys at bars is never letting them think they’ve got you all figured out. You want to show them that there is more to you than meets the eye, even though they probably won’t care either way. You see, men are visual creatures, so meeting them is a lot like Show and Tell day at school, except without all the “tell” parts. (Hot Tip: Men hate it when you talk!)● Because bars tend to be dark, make sure you put on a TON of makeup on so you really “pop.” Dress up that face like you’re a clown. A “fuck-clown,” if you will.
● Make a lot of hand gestures so that guys know you’re fun and animated. Like this:
Advertisement

● Eau de Toilette is French for “Smells Better Than a Toilet.” Make yourself smell like something a man wants by rubbing smoked almonds all over your neck before heading to the bar.After following any of the above, someone is sure to approach you. But what’s your next step? How about saying something! Try some of the suggestions below to get words out of your pie hole and wiener into your pee hole.● How often do you come to this bar? I come to all bars ALL THE TIME.”
● Do you like your whiskey on the rocks? Funny, that’s how I like my relationships!” (Laugh hysterically to yourself.)
● Do you have kids? I was a mom for about three months until I found out I was pregnant and made the appointment.”Well that was fun! You learned a lot and we got paid a very small amount of money! Do you need advice? Direct your questions here. We need that loose change the way you need loose pussy!Follow Hot Dog and The Lady Bun on twitter @kurtbraunohler and @albz