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HOW TO PERFORM A SATANIC SACRIFICE

Are there a lot of ritualistic Satanic homicides in America? We never thought so, but we just found a hilarious police video that shows detectives what markings to look for on a victim's body if the suspects are Satanists. Stuff like pentagrams drawn on the tits and a cock in the mouth.

We already knew that cops' knowledge of knives and ninjas and drugs know no limits, but I am happy to report that they're just as well versed in sacrifices to the Dark Lord.

While killing people for Satan is macabre and all, watching that flabby, balding old detective put his calloused hands all over his firm, nubile victim (strange they got such a smoking hot sacrifice for this video) is more disturbing than any real Satanic sacrifice business could ever be.

Hands down the best part, and totally out of left field, is at 2:15 in, when the host stares blankly at the camera and says, "Another thing that is often times done in ritualistic homicides is a penis is placed inside the mouth of the deceased." Ha! Is that really a thing? If so, gross.

via Dangerous Minds