Hey Kate and Wills, we're sure you're up to your elbows tying up royal loose ends in preparation for the Big Day, so we've gone ahead and shouldered the burdensome task of choosing wedding music for you. Actually, we've soundtracked everything from your walk down the aisle to your ugly divorce.This is only the fifth 'original' Todd Terje single in five years, but that steez is as illusory as his tough guy act given all the remixes, re-imaginings and re-edits he's made in that time. Dude can make a bad song good and a good song even better. This one sounds a little like FaltyDL if he didn't like English music and I've chosen it to soundtrack Kate and Wills' walk down the aisle. It's more than eight minutes long. Royal people have longer aisles.TODD TERJE - "SNOOZE 4 LOVE"
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/music/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/snooze-4-love.mp3]If the End Times really are upon us, and Wills really is the cloned husk of Jesus Christ somehow polyfilled with Satan's soul, I wonder if our future king will give us the option of a Faustian pact? Looking back at the last 15 years, I think we can jettison everything that happened after Gazza failed to connect with Alan Shearer's cross at Euro '96, up until Robbie "beret" Williams got together with Maxi "ripping off tights with my teeth" Jazz for 1 Giant Leap's debut single in May '02. So what's that? The best part of six years? See, even the numbers work out. So what do you say King Satan? Cashback? Oh, right – you actually kinda liked 1 Giant Leap. Well this actually kinda sounds like 1 Giant Leap, albeit wedded to the beat from Johnny Wakeling's "In Zaire." So here, take this for your first dance with your demon bride and give us our fucking lives back, you nasty little cockjar.KROKUS - "WEDDING DANCE"
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/music/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/krokus-wedding-dance.mp3]Jonas Reinhardt, aka Jessie Reiner, has taken the time to lock himself away in his bedroom and compose this paean to the Greek deity Eos, goddess of dawn. Apparently Eos once pissed off a former lover so much that he cursed her to fall in love perpetually, causing her to slut around without restraint – she'd sleep with immortals, mortals, literally anything. Anyway, one of the kids Eos' flings produced died. The legend goes that the morning dew is made up of her tears, and several conspiracy websites say she's now returned to earth in the form of Kate Middleton – a theory Jonas is surreptitiously endorsing here.JONAS REINHARDT - "EOS, THE DAWN"
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/music/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/eos_the_dawn.mp3]Furious, snarling punk rock from people who are in excellent bands like Please and Birds of Delay and featuring a guy on vocals called Chris Thrash whose DJ sets are semi-legendary if you like Arvo Henriksen, Italo-disco, death metal and Fall Out Boy. I don't know much about the other guy, apart from that he has a good knowledge of Japanese hardcore bands. The other name for this track by the way is "FUCK KATE, HEART WILLS." It's The Lowest Form's anthem for the inevitable messy divorce.THE LOWEST FORM - "TRACK 2"
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/music/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/track-2-master.mp3]The most thoughtful man in pop music is supposed to be 'breaking out' with this new record, but though this track sounds a little like Bowie and is pretty much the definition of the word 'soaring', I must say I continued to harbour doubts about this maniac's mainstream appeal. Until I found out, that is, that John will be breathlessly anchoring Channel 4's alternative royal wedding coverage, inviting his friend Ariel along to sing "For Kate I Wait" and getting Nathan Williams and the betrothed Prince to fight to the death in a segment called "A Battle of Wills."JOHN MAUS - "BELIEVER"
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/music/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/john_maus_-_believer.mp3] JOEL WRIGHT
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[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/music/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/snooze-4-love.mp3]If the End Times really are upon us, and Wills really is the cloned husk of Jesus Christ somehow polyfilled with Satan's soul, I wonder if our future king will give us the option of a Faustian pact? Looking back at the last 15 years, I think we can jettison everything that happened after Gazza failed to connect with Alan Shearer's cross at Euro '96, up until Robbie "beret" Williams got together with Maxi "ripping off tights with my teeth" Jazz for 1 Giant Leap's debut single in May '02. So what's that? The best part of six years? See, even the numbers work out. So what do you say King Satan? Cashback? Oh, right – you actually kinda liked 1 Giant Leap. Well this actually kinda sounds like 1 Giant Leap, albeit wedded to the beat from Johnny Wakeling's "In Zaire." So here, take this for your first dance with your demon bride and give us our fucking lives back, you nasty little cockjar.KROKUS - "WEDDING DANCE"
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/music/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/krokus-wedding-dance.mp3]Jonas Reinhardt, aka Jessie Reiner, has taken the time to lock himself away in his bedroom and compose this paean to the Greek deity Eos, goddess of dawn. Apparently Eos once pissed off a former lover so much that he cursed her to fall in love perpetually, causing her to slut around without restraint – she'd sleep with immortals, mortals, literally anything. Anyway, one of the kids Eos' flings produced died. The legend goes that the morning dew is made up of her tears, and several conspiracy websites say she's now returned to earth in the form of Kate Middleton – a theory Jonas is surreptitiously endorsing here.
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[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/music/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/eos_the_dawn.mp3]Furious, snarling punk rock from people who are in excellent bands like Please and Birds of Delay and featuring a guy on vocals called Chris Thrash whose DJ sets are semi-legendary if you like Arvo Henriksen, Italo-disco, death metal and Fall Out Boy. I don't know much about the other guy, apart from that he has a good knowledge of Japanese hardcore bands. The other name for this track by the way is "FUCK KATE, HEART WILLS." It's The Lowest Form's anthem for the inevitable messy divorce.THE LOWEST FORM - "TRACK 2"
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/music/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/track-2-master.mp3]The most thoughtful man in pop music is supposed to be 'breaking out' with this new record, but though this track sounds a little like Bowie and is pretty much the definition of the word 'soaring', I must say I continued to harbour doubts about this maniac's mainstream appeal. Until I found out, that is, that John will be breathlessly anchoring Channel 4's alternative royal wedding coverage, inviting his friend Ariel along to sing "For Kate I Wait" and getting Nathan Williams and the betrothed Prince to fight to the death in a segment called "A Battle of Wills."JOHN MAUS - "BELIEVER"
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/music/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/john_maus_-_believer.mp3] JOEL WRIGHT
