Which Animal Would You Most Like to Have a Chat With?

This week's biggest revelation in the world of science was discovering that a beluga whale called NOC can make noises that sound a bit like noises humans can make. Divers at the research facility where NOC is kept were apparently getting confused by the humanlike sounds, which is a bit odd, because they definitely still sound a lot like a whale, but whatever.

Perhaps, though, this is just the first stage in a gradual anthropomorphisation of whales? Evolution was bound to do something soon, so I guess this must be it. With that in mind, who's to say all animals with the right physical capabilities won't eventually be able to talk? I wonder what they'd say. Would they be world-weary? Would they be sexually aggressive? Would they just be normal and relatively well-rounded?

And, more importantly, which would be the most interesting to talk to? Strangers of London, which animal would you most like to have a chat with?

Charlotte, 20 (left) and Rosie, 19.

Charlotte: A dolphin. They’re proper intelligent and stuff, so they’d probably have the best chat.

VICE: Which animal do you reckon would be a bit of a dick?
I reckon most sharks would definitely be dicks. They'd be all angry and aggressive all the time. I can only really think of sea creatures that would be horrible. Oh, a bear. Having a chat with a bear would be pretty intense.

What would you order a bear if you went for a drink together?
Rosie: Blood.

Hannah, 17 (left) and Laura, 18.

Hannah: Bam Bam, my fat, ginger cat.

Not really broadening your horizons that much, though – she lives with you.
No no no, she runs around and catches mice and stuff.
Laura: You could tell her your troubles as well.

That would be nice, I suppose.

Kelly, 20 (Left) and Naomi, 21.

Kelly: I would love to know what my dog was thinking. It's so hard to tell what's going on behind those eyes, so I'd love to be able to have a chat with him.

What if it turned out he was actually really arrogant and a bit sexist?
Naomi: No! He’s so, so nice – he's literally the sweetest dog ever – there’s no way he could be a dickhead.

I dunno, looks are deceiving, Where would you hang out with your animal date?
Wetherspoons.

Classy.

Jacob, 24: A lion. I just wanna know what it’s like being king of the jungle.

Do lions even live in jungles?
Whatever, it would be quality. He’d definitely dominate the conversation, though. It could get a bit hairy. You don't want to piss off a lion.

True. Which animal do you think is overhyped and would probably come off as a bit of a prick if they could talk?
A giraffe, probably. They already have a habit of looking down on people.

Zing.

Sam, 38 (left) and Conan, 31.

Conan: Whales, they travel around quite a bit. I'd imagine they've seen a lot.

Would talking to them be enough, or would you get them to sing for you?
I’m not a fan of the whale singing thing, to be honest; it’s a bit shit. I don’t think it would translate very well in the charts. Nah, I'd rather just have a chat with one.

You know scientists found a whale that can speak recently? So that works out kind of perfectly for you.
Amazing! Wow, maybe my dream will finally become a reality.

Sean, 26, Hayley, 28.

Sean: Maybe a dolphin.

A popular choice – what’s the attraction?
Hayley: They’re chatty…
Sean: And they're apparently the only other animal than humans that have sex for fun.

So you'd want to have sex with this talking dolphin?
Yeah, basically. You got me.

Previously - Should the UK Care About the US Election?