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Vice Blog

It happened - Pete Wentz gave me mono, possibly

Photos by Belinda Law

Pete Wentz, in addition to being the dreamiest man alive, says things like, "I was isolating myself further and further, and the more I isolated myself, the more isolated I'd feel." He also named his child Bronx Mowgli despite the fact that he is almost 30 fucking years old. Pedro D'Eyrot is the boy singer from Bonde Do Role. They're that Brazilian band with the unpronounceable name (I think you say it like "bon jay du ho lay") who did that song from the Nokia commercial that has been stuck in my head for about a year now. In the greatest meeting of musical minds (and spit) since Bowie and Crosby, the paths of these two men crossed one fateful afternoon in August of 2007…. Vice: Ok, so lets start at the beginning. Where were you?

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Pedro: It started in Tokyo and ended in Osaka.

Wow, I didn't realise it was such an epic tale. So, what happened in Tokyo?

We were playing at a big festival and Fallout Boy were there. And Gorky (Bonde Do Role's DJ) bet me 5 dollars that I wouldn't go up to Pete Wentz and say I'd seen his cock on the web.

I think I can see where this is going…

Well, Pete was being interviewed by these Japanese people. And I just walked over and listened to their conversation for a while, and then said, "Dude, I think it's really cool that your dick is available on the internet."

Haha, and then what?

He just looked at me with this blank face for a moment and so did the Japanese press girls that were talking to him. And then I just walked away. That picture I gave you was taken at the exact moment that I said it.

That's it? I thought you said he threatened you or something?

Well, a little while later, I was back in our dressing room and I saw him walking by the door. So I yelled out, "Dude, I am really proud of your exposure!" and went back inside.

Was he offended by that? That doesn't even make sense.

Well, I looked back out, and I saw him and that blonde guy, I think he's the singer, and these two HUGE bodyguards and they all come over to me.

They actually came inside the dressing room?

Yeah, and it's just me and Marco, our tour-manager in there.

Marco was faced with two huge bodyguards? Did he cry?

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Haha, nah. He got pretty shaken though. Anyways, they marched up to me and Pete started pointing his finger in my face while the two huge bodyguards stood either side of him with their arms crossed. And for me, that was just so surreal that I couldn't take it seriously at all. And he started saying that what I had done was disrespectful and a bunch of other really granny-ish arguments.

It must have taken some pretty huge balls to throw down against you and Marco with nothing but two bodyguards and a fat singer to defend himself with.

Yeah, exactly. I figured Pete wouldn't be dumb enough to beat me down in Japan and get arrested for assault there, so I started making fun of him.

What did you say?

Like, "Why are you angry? You have such a nice dick."

He really doesn't….

And he was like "Dude, people are gonna beat you up for that, and it's not even gonna be me that does it."

He actually said that? Like the kid at school who'd always be threatening to set his older brothers onto you?

Exactly! That was the worst part. And all this time I just kept telling him he had nothing to be ashamed of.

So did he actually throw a punch?

Nah, that situation ended with me explaining the importance of his dick being online and his bodyguards trying not to laugh. Seriously, the look on their faces was HEAVEN.

It seems kinda weird that he has two bodyguards. To protect him from what?

Well exactly, Fergie was there and she only had one. And Avril was there too and she didn't have any. But anyways, we went to Osaka after that. After we told CSS the story, they started calling him 'Cockout Boy'.

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Ooh, good one…

And we were all having lunch and he was a couple of tables away and when we were done, I had to walk past him with my tray.

Did he knock it out of your hand like in Freaks & Geeks?

I wish!!! But no, he just looked at me and whispered something. Which was kinda depressing. I was expecting a little more from Pete.

What did he whisper?

I don't know. But later we were out in the main hall and he had to pass by me this time. And I was thinking "Yes! this is it!". As he passed by, he shoulder barged me.

Haha, what a badass. Were his security there?

Yeah, but they recognised me, so they just looked over and laughed. They seemed like nice guys. I guess we all get shitty jobs sometimes. So, after that, he had to walk up a big circular staircase and it was laid out in such a way that I could see him from where I was standing. While he was walking up, he started giving me these mean looks. It was so funny. So I started blowing raspberries at him. Is that how it is called? Like, those kisses in the air?

Oh, no that's an air kiss. A raspberry is where you stick your tongue out and blow.

Oh ok, well I was blowing him air kisses. Because I'm all about love. And then he fucking spat on me.

He spat on you?

Yeah! Like a real meanie! I guess because he is a bad person.

Did it hit you? If so, you can probably sell yourself on eBay.

Oh yeah, I wish I'd thought of that at the time. But yeah, it hit me on the shoulder. Maybe that's how I contracted mono.

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How did you react to that?

How can anybody react to being spat on by Pete Wentz? I laughed my fucking ass off.

And was that the last time you saw him?

Yup.

Well, I read this quote from John Mayer. Where he said "Pete has this fabulous meta-awareness. Some people mistake it for narcissism, but it's really just his way of playing with the idea of 'Pete Wentz'. His genius is he's always one step ahead". Do you think that you were perhaps just a victim of that? Of his meta-awareness?

Well, I don't know. Maybe?

Do you have any other funny celebrity stories?

Well, not so funny. But I interviewed the Hoff. And he had sweats spots under his nipples.

Are you sure it wasn't mini-bar residue?

Don't ruin the magic!

Wait, you actually like the Hoff? I thought he was just something people pretended to like. Like Thundercats.

Yeah, the Hoff is really cool.

Oh. Were you star struck?

No. But I was when I interviewed Kelly Osbourne for some reason. I was shaking. I'm not sure why.

Why were you interviewing them?

I had a TV show in Brazil. But I had to give it up.

Can't face famous people after Wentz?

No. I got mono. So I had to give it up.

Oh, you actually got mono? I thought you were just joking.

No, I really did.

Oh… Do you think it was from Pete Wentz's spit?

It's very unlikely. But possible I guess.

You should sue him for lost earnings.

Ok!