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Vice Blog

NEW YORK - AH, THE GOOD OLD DAYS


Dicking around on the internet is dangerous biz. I accidentally just watched this video and my continuum looped back to one night working as a stripper in Missouri when Crystal Storm came in to give a special performance. A self-made woman with a bust line of five feet around, she needed an assistant to help hoist her hooters onstage (click below for a shot of those beauts). After some unmemorable show or another, patrons could pose for a Polaroid with her, the fee for which was waived for the club owner. I'll never forget how his shit-grin melted like that creep guy at the end of the first Indiana Jones movie as he moved his hands up along her tits for the pic and found stubble. STUBBLE. Apparently that's where her armpits used to be. I know it's boring and lame to make fun of porn people but to my newly curdling teenage mind, that was horrific. I won't even get into the other feature creature who came in with hemorrhoids flared up so bad she was begging anyone, even the drooly half-retarded security guys, to fuck her in the ass so she could have some relief.

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