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Vice Blog

MIDDLE EAST - PECKISH IRANIANS GOBBLE WORLD RECORD ATTEMPT

Guiness World Record attempts usually require the mentality of a four year old with ADD and an overactive imagination. Want to build the worlds largest scale replica of the Taj Mahal out of toenails? Sure! Fancy clamping more jump leads on your balls than any other human being in the history of the world has ever managed? Why not! 99.9% of these capers are so ridiculous that as soon as you see a "Guiness World Record Attempt" headline your brain automatically skips to snooze. Now, maybe it was too close to lunch or maybe we've all been secretly harboring fantasies of making subs as big as the ones Shaggy used to make in Scooby Doo but when we heard about an Iranian attempt on "the worlds biggest sandwich" title we all got interested. How could a 1,500-meter-long sub with 700kgs of chicken and 700 kgs of ostrich meat assembled by 1,000 chefs not get you excited? Sadly the Iranians went and shat on their own sarnie parade by getting all goggle eyed and scarfing down the mile-long sammy before it could officially be measured. Whoops. We decided to ask our UK VBS person at large, and resident Iranian, Pegah Farahmand what she thought of her nation's conduct.

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(That is Pegah appropriately dressed as a hot dog up there)

Vice: Do you feel that the Iranians were equipped for such an undertaking? Eat offs are usually the preserve of Bratwurst chomping Bavarians or steak guzzling Texans.
Pegah Farahmand: Well, from my experience, Iranians are very good at cooking absolutely huge amounts of food for their guests. So I think the preparation part was probably a walk in the park for them.

How about the eating part?
If anything they are even more equipped for the eating. The only thing Iranians love more than eating food is eating free food. They certainly seemed to have their eye on the prize here. Look at the intent on their faces in the photographs. Nothing is coming between them and their sandwich. Or not, as they didnt get to win the actual prize. In their minds though they probably won the ultimate prize: shit loads of food that they didn't pay for.

But the desire for free food got in the way of achieving their goal!
Maybe they were just casually walking past and didnt really understand what was going on, saw 1,400 kgs of bird meat and got a little overexcited. It was probably like those cartoons where their eyes turned into bits of poultry. Tehran isn't even a poverty-stricken region or anything, it's the richest city in Iran so I'm slightly baffled by how overenthusiastic the crowd were at the chance of getting tucked in. Saying that, I've seen some shambolic displays at my mums bbqs. People stand around the fire with these big eyes thinking of only one thing. Sometimes they'll come and take kebab meat off the mangal and walk away with it before it's even served. Iranians just love food and they're not ashamed of it. That's it I guess. A world record just wasn't going to get in the way of the love.