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AFC CHAMPIONSHIP - NEW ENGLAND LOVE

Rodney Harrison and Junior Seau are two tough-as-nails fossils who'll be going up against their old squad on Sunday when the Patriots play the Chargers. Both men make me vomit with their clichéd and sad intensity. Even Ravens' coach Brian Billick concurs…

Plus, Harrison's mustache is manicured a little too much like an adult film star's crotch. But this is just the kind of highly literate ammo both gents will use to obliterate the Chargers, who are banged up and saddled with Norv Turner. Who knew over 18 months ago that these former warriors would be coming back to suffocate the dreams of their old fans? Not me.

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Speaking of dreams and suffocation, what do you suppose this fellow is up to this weekend, other than rooting for his favorite team and trying to impregnate his hand?

You'll note that at the end of the video, made last year, he states (not ironically) that he is "100% vagine" (yes, it's spelled how he pronounced it.) I realize that if one were to draw a Venn diagram of readers of this blog and die-hard Patriots fans from Massachusetts, there would likely be no overlap. But on the outside chance you know this guy, could you confirm if, in fact, within the last year he has even encountered a "vagine"? Please leave your answer in the comments. If you do not know the guy, please feel free to write a short one-act play about a date (with a woman) he might have gone on at any point in his lifetime. I'll pick a winner and send you a $25 gift certificate for whatever you would like. Please don't hold Vice responsible. This is between you and me.

In related news, I hope Chargers 2nd-string QB Billy Volek pulls off an upset. Not likely. But at least his team ruined this bitter Titans' fan's playoff hopes:

If you look at the guy's other uploads, he's got a clip from According to Jim up there. Christ.

Patriots 38—Chargers 17.

BONUS: Packers nerd goes acoustic for charity. Come on guy, I can tell you're reading your own lyrics off a teleprompter. Doesn't this shit mean more to you than that? To anyone?????????

JEFF JOHNSON