What Would Happen If This “England Team of the Future” Went To Euro 2016?

In November 2007, the England team was at its lowest ebb. Steve McClaren’s side had just slumped to a 3-2 defeat to Croatia at Wembley, and hence failed to qualify for Euro 2008 in spectacularly inept fashion. The nation was distraught, with anger and introspection rife amongst football fans up and down the country. It was in this febrile, frustrated atmosphere that The Daily Mail decided to give the people hope, with a bold and fearless prediction of better things to come.

In the days after the national team’s implosion, The Mail put together an article on the future of English football. They profiled numerous youngsters from across the Premier League, in an attempt to predetermine the next generation of England stars. It was an intrepid and ambitious undertaking, fraught with risks from the start.

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Unfortunately, it included this graphic purporting to show “England’s Team of the Future”. You may recognise it from Twitter, where people relentlessly take the piss out of it at every given opportunity.

In 2007, the Daily Mail predicted this as England’s team for the future. How times have changed… pic.twitter.com/jkMd9JmKgw
— UEFA EURO 2016 (@Euro16Updates) June 3, 2016

In fairness – no, come on, in fairness – it is almost impossible to foresee how a player’s career is going to develop when he is only 16 or 17 years of age. There are so many variables, so many twists and turns to a youngster’s development, that the margin of error for such predictions is invariably massive. Nonetheless, the fact remains that only one of the youth players included in The Mail‘s graphic (Theo Walcott) still plays in the Premier League, while none of them have been selected for Euro 2016.

With the “England Team of the Future” doing the rounds once more ahead of this summer’s tournament, it’s only right that we give a fair and proper assessment of how the erstwhile youngsters would do if they had been selected to represent their country at the Euros.

Disclaimer: this is not intended to further the taking of the piss. We actually want to assess how these lads would do at Euro 2016. Seriously.

GK: Ben Amos

Team: Bolton Wanderers

Prospects at Euro 2016: Poor

At the time of The Mail’s article, Ben Amos was a promising 17-year-old goalkeeper playing for Manchester United’s youth team. Now 26, he’s been relegated to League One with Bolton after a Championship season in which he shipped four goals to Derby, Rotherham, Huddersfield and QPR.

In fairness to Ben, Bolton’s defence have been absolutely shit-awful this season, and a less capable goalie might have conceded more. That said, he’s playing behind a fairly terrible “England Team of the Future” back four, so we’d expect him to pick the ball out of the back of his net at least five or six times (in the Slovakia game).

LB: Robbie Threlfall

Team: None since 2014

Prospects at Euro 2016: Cataclysmic

Poor Robbie Threlfall. After progressing through Liverpool’s youth ranks in the late noughties, he became a perennial loanee before being sold to Bradford in 2010. Two underwhelming years at Valley Parade followed, before another couple of years at Morecambe.

He’s been without a club for two years at this point. Accordingly, we imagine he’d struggle to reach full match fitness for the Russia game.

CB: Micah Richards

Team: Aston Villa

Prospects at Euro 2016: Relatively strong

This “England Team of the Future” is probably the only side in which the presence of an out-of-position Micah Richards might be seen as a positive. Mainly deployed at right-back these days, the former Manchester City prodigy has endured an abysmal campaign with Aston Villa.

In fairness to the “England Team of the Future”, Richards was a huge talent in his younger years. A succession of injuries and an ill-advised loan spell to Fiorentina seem to have taken a huge toll on his confidence over the last few seasons.

CB: Gavin Hoyte

Team: Barnet

Prospects at Euro 2016: Not good at all

It is just before half-time in England’s clash with Wales. Gavin Hoyte stands stranded in an ocean of loneliness, as Gareth Bale runs directly at him for the umpteenth time. Gavin is used to defending against the likes of François Zoko and John-Joe O’Toole at this point in his career, and is now desperately trying to track back and get a tackle in.

He lunges laboriously at Bale. His feet connect with the empty air. The crowd cheers in the distance. Somewhere, deep down, he believes they are cheering for him.

RB: Sam Hutchinson

Team: Sheffield Wednesday

Prospects at Euro 2016: Moderate

Fair play to Sam Hutchinson, he’s made a decent career for himself. Playing for the Chelsea youth team at the turn of the decade, he had about as much chance of making the first team as he did of being hit by an asteroid. Since then, however, he’s secured himself a regular starting spot with Sheffield Wednesday.

We doubt he’d excel at the Euros, but he’d certainly do better than some of his theoretical teammates.

CM: Michael Johnson

Team: None since 2012

Prospects at Euro 2016: Exceedingly poor

Michael Johnson’s tale is a sad one, really. One of the most talked-about youngsters of his generation, he suffered a series of injuries in the late noughties, lost his motivation and ended up retiring early owing to fitness issues and depression.

Needless to say, it would be inadvisable for him to play at Euro 2016.

LM: James Henry

Team: Wolves

Prospects at Euro 2016: Moderate

A bit like Sam Hutchinson, James Henry has failed to hit the heights while still managing to carve out a respectable career. Spent four years at Millwall before joining Wolves in 2014, and is doubtlessly capable of putting a foot in, winning those second balls and laying his body on the line.

That’s what makes a proper England player, if you ask us. None of this “dribbling” and “passing” shite.

RM: Dean Parrett

Team: Stevenage

Prospects at Euro 2016: Absolutely awful

Dean Parrett would not do well at the Euros. No offence to Dean, obviously, but he’s just about hacking it at Stevenage at the moment.

Can you actually imagine Dean Parrett trying to get past a couple of unsmiling Slovakians out on the right wing? Dean Parrett, with a name like a lad who works down your local Wacky Warehouse, going toe-to-toe with Martin Škrtel and Dušan Švento? It’d be an absolute bloodbath, for Christ’s sake.

ST: Jose Baxter

Team: Free agent, currently in trouble for a failed drugs test

Prospects at Euro 2016: Disastrous

Forget the fact that Jose Baxter is without a club at the moment. Forget the fact that he’s just been released by Sheffield United, and that most of his boyhood potential seems to have been frittered away.

The main problem with taking Jose Baxter to Euro 2016 is that he’s currently facing anything up to a two-year ban for failing a drugs test, after traces of cocaine reportedly showed up in one of his samples. That might be something of a distraction at a major tournament, unfortunately.

LW: Scott Sinclair

Team: Aston Villa

Prospects at Euro 2016: Half-decent

While he was far from the main culprit in Aston Villa’s miserable relegation, Sinclair’s performances have been painfully ineffective this season. Scored two league goals over the course of the campaign, both in a draw with Sunderland dating back to late August.

He’d probably get into the Wales team, regardless. In a straight fight between Sinclair and Hal Robson-Kanu, the former wins out every time.

RW: Theo Walcott

Team: Arsenal

Prospects at Euro 2016: Strong

Doubtlessly the star of the “England Team of the Future”, Walcott only narrowly missed out on going to France this summer. He’s certainly the most prescient pick in The Mail’s squad, even if he had already gone to a World Cup at that point.

Still, imagine a team in which Theo Walcott is the inspirational talisman. That team is not going to win Euro 2016, especially not if it also includes Dean Parrett.

Overall verdict: Reluctant as we are to say it, the “England Team of the Future” would be completely shat on at Euro 2016. They would be massively outclassed by all major opposition, and would probably labour against even the smaller teams at the tournament.

As such, the overall outlook is similar to that of the actual England team. Bar a few minor details, The Mail’s prediction is basically spot on.