It happens to the best of us: You're out having a few drinks with friends, and then a few becomes a few too many, and suddenly you're dragging your body out of bed at 11 AM with a debilitating hangover and reckoning with a string of shitfaced Amazon Prime purchases. But there are the sloppy nights when you wake up to a new Jeff Goldblum shower curtain, and then there are the really sloppy nights—the ones that end in the back of a $1,600 Uber or in the baggage compartment of a commercial airliner currently en route to Chicago.
A drunk 21-year-old in Wisconsin had himself one of the latter on New Year's Eve after he accidentally staggered into a woman's house in the middle of the night and passed out, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports.
When the homeowner, Lynn Sarver, woke up on January 1, she found the guy curled up in a dog bed with her giant, roughly 130-pound mastiff, Benton. But instead of doing what most folks would do when stumbling across a strange intruder in your house—namely, freaking the fuck out—she was, uh, surprisingly chill about the whole thing.
According to the Journal Sentinel, Lynn Sarver initially grabbed a kitchen knife for her protection once she spotted the dude snuggled up next to her dog in her living room, but apparently realized there wasn't much to worry about. Her gargantuan pooch seemed to feel the same way, since her "guard dog" was just snoozing alongside the intruder all night.
"He was out," Sarver told the Journal Sentinel. "Even when I went to pull off Benton, the guy didn't move."
After Sarver got him awake, the guy fumbled around for his glasses. "Once he put them on and looked around, he said, ‘Oh yeah, this is not my house,’" Sarver said. The guy's mom reportedly lived two houses down and, thinking Sarver's house was his mom's place, he'd let himself in through an unlocked side door and hit the hay. It's unclear whether the man normally sleeps in a dog bed in his living room or was just really, really confused, but in any case, he apologized to Sarver and cooperated with police before heading home to presumably nurse the worst shameover of his life.
For her part, Sarver told the cops she didn't want to press charges, but would probably be a little more vigilant about locking her doors going forward.
"I learned a big lesson," she said, "and I'm sure he did too."
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