I don't know about you guys, but I love the smell of fresh beef in the morning. And as we say farewell to the working week, it feels important to acknowledge that the past five days have been especially music beef-abundant, though the beeves of which I speak have been varying degrees of shitty. Thus, from Chad Kroeger's feud with Corey Taylor, to Halsey's shots fired at Iggy Azalea—by way of Deadmau5 squaring up to the Chainsmokers, and Young Thug vs. the literal brand CoverGirl—we have ranked the beeves from best to worst for your reading pleasure. Buckle up, carnivores:
1) Corey Taylor from Slipknot VS. Chad Kroeger from Nickelback
Earlier this week, we reported that Chad Kroeger, Nickelback frontman and almost confusingly self-confident human being, had started beef with Corey Taylor, calling Slipknot a "gimmick." Beef indeed. But Corey Taylor will not take beef lying down, and has since responded with great finesse. On Arizona radio station 98 KUPD, he called Kroeger "Face Like A Foot" (later clarifying that this was because "He's got a face like a foot")—from my extremely immature perspective, this is a total K.O. For extra measure, Taylor added "You can run your mouth all you want. All I know is I've been voted Sexiest Dude In Rock wearing a mask. You've been voted Ugliest Dude In Rock twice without one. Stick that up your ass." You heard the two time Sexiest Dude in Rock, Chad.
This, undoubtedly, is the beef of the week. LAUREN O'NEILL
2) Young Thug VS. CoverGirl
Easy Breezy Beautiful Thugger Girls is the kind of album title that hits like a solar flare out of the blue, so it's somewhat disappointing that Young Thug ended up truncating it for the final release of what became Beautiful Thugger Girls. It's a brilliant album, but the legal ramifications of using CoverGirl's slogan for trap country are understandable. This week, the cold war between Thug and the beauty brand flared up the way your pores aren't supposed to when using a CoverGirl product. A questionable, violent, tasteless promo video for BTG drew the ire of both Twitter and CoverGirl themselves, who finally took the time to release a formal statement that condemned the album for "not align[ing] with [their] values." Thug has not responded to these shots as of this posting, which makes sense because he doesn't beef like a normal person and will likely continue to record his incomprehensible, insane music unfettered. PHIL WITMER
3) Halsey VS. Iggy Azalea
It's so easy to call Iggy Azalea a "fucking moron." Turn to a friend or coworker right now. Place your arm upon their shoulder. When they turn back towards you, stare deep into their eyes, hold their gaze for a moment, and then say, with purpose: "Iggy Azalea. She is a fucking moron." Your friend or coworker may be surprised by this, but they will understand and respect you for it. "Yes," they may say in response, realizing the Truth in your words. "Iggy Azalea. She is a fucking moron." A gentle calm falls over the room. You are Good. Iggy Azalea is Bad.
How is it possible, in any world, to fuck this situation up? You'd have to do something really shitty in advance for your friend or co-worker to look at you and say, "Yes, I know that Iggy Azalea is a 'fucking moron,' but I have no time for this or for you. Please go away." Well, here's an excerpt from Halsey's interview with The Guardian yesterday:
"…there's a lot of people I wouldn't put on my record. Iggy Azalea: absolutely not. She had a complete disregard for black culture. Fucking moron."
Here is what she said three lines before that:
"Just because I choose to be a socially conscious artist, and I'm pretty good at it, that doesn't mean every artist is going to be equipped to be politically correct."
The beef speaks for itself. It is a bad beef. I dislike this beef. ALEX ROBERT ROSS
4) Deadmau5 VS. The Chainsmokers
Pro: Deadmau5 is right, The Chainsmokers are bad.
Con: Deadmau5 picks fights on Twitter all the time, so this isn't special.
Pro: Beefception occurs when he calls The Chainsmokers "fucking morons."
Con: This made me listen to Deadmau5 for the first time.
Pro: Turning the beefer into the beefee is righteous.
Con: This is a beef between Deadmau5 and The Chainsmokers.
Pro: This beef involves fury over Greek mythology.
Con: Every time you insult the Chainsmokers, they sell out one more stadium.
By simply involving the Chainsmokers, this is, definitively, the week's worst beef. ALEX ROBERT ROSS
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(Deadmau5 image by Carlos Delgado / Burger image by Len Rizzi, both via Wikimedia Commons)