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Optimizing Your Kid's Name for Maximum Hits and a Sweet URL

h5. Michael Byrne, the actor A global-scale connected community is going to run into the problem of outsizing languages created for a comparatively unconnected globe. It's going to run out of names. Rather, it's already run out of names. But that...
Image: Michael Byrne, the actor

A global-scale connected community is going to run into the problem of outsizing languages created for a comparatively unconnected globe. It’s going to run out of names. Rather, it’s already run out of names. But that wasn’t so much an issue before all of the names were in the big pool of digital information that is the internet. Look at the various battles over URLs, or wars over band names, or trademarks. Consider Apple’s recent trademark expansion into absolutely every product class ever.

I’m more concerned with people, though. This is on the brain today because of Google’s What Do You Love toy, in which a search gives you results spread over many different channels at once—like YouTube, Trends, and, sure why not, Patent Search. An ideal opporitunity to do a self-search, I thought. And sure enough, to the search world I still remain comfortably anonymous, shielded from view by a motorcross guy, an actor, and, currently, a guy in Arizona arrested for drinking and driving.

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Actually, spread out over all these channels there’s a lot better chance of finding me on the internet. (Wait until Google+ is public.) But not that much better. I have a popular name. I like that. I’m pro-being hidden from searches.

The thing I wonder about is how does the internet change the whole person-naming scheme? How do you optimize your kid? It seems like a thing you should do, right? I’m pretty happy being shielded, but a parent wishing their kid much success in the world might want to employ some better SEO strategies. I predict a future of totally unpronouncable kid names full of numbers and misspellings.

And why shouldn’t that future exist? Our current names evolved not intentioned to be good markers of digital space, but for reasons of sentimentiality or affiliation (familial, national, whatever) or just because they sounded good.

m1kleburn.com is still available, but for how long?

Reach this writer at michaelb@motherboard.tv.