Wake up, brush your teeth, and play Rec Room’s anthem for sale-ing away, sale-ing away, sale-ing away—because that's right, we’re hoisting our sales ship's mainmast and crossing a vast ocean full of pelagic e-retailers to bring you, our dearest (and only) friends, this week's best deals.
That's right—it's time for this week's best stuff that's on sale, where we don our virtual butterfly-catching suits, hunt for the best on-sale goodiez on the wild, wild web, and compile a list of our faves. Last week’s deals saw us traipsing through the world of retro jackets and foam rollers that double as water bottles. So, what's marked down this week? Dyson vacuums, space heaters, and dual-action clit whisperers; plus, leather sling bags, futuristic rain jackets, and petite wand vibrators to carry your tiny dogs, keep yourself dapper and dry, and rub yourself into cold-weather couchlock during these chilly fall days. Also, a stoneware soap dispenser, and Abercrombie swag. (Yes, you read that last one correctly.)
Shop on, and soak up that sweet, sweet serotonin that comes with retail therapy.
Time to finally replace all those plants you let wither and die
Juuuust kidding! We know you're a super-responsible plant parent (usually!) (maybe!), but all roasting aside, ficus plants—including super-popular fiddle-leaf figs—are easy to care for, and lord knows we all need more greenery in our lives. The Sill is having a sale on ficus plants, so pick up a couple of new buddies for your home or as a housewarming gift for your friends who just moved into a sick new spot that you're not at all jealous of.
You can finally make all those MUNCHIES recipes
This on-sale KitchenAid Stand Mixer is the final boss of assembling an Avengers-style kitchen appliance arsenal. It’s perfect for so many things, from mixing and mashing batters to kneading and incorporating doughs. You also don’t actually have to use it once—its mere existence on your countertop is the biggest home-chef power move you could ever hope to make—and right now, it's 60% off thanks to Walmart's early Black Friday deals, which include tech, home goods, fitness equipment, and way more. But yeah, we want homemade cookie dough.
A wearable blanket for making it through cuffing season
Don’t deny it—you’ve always secretly wanted a blanket with arms. This Wearable Blanket Hoodie is 23% off (plus an additional 20% off if you clip the coupon), has a five-star rating from more than 1,800 happy customers, and looks like what my ancestors wore to weather the harsh Scandinavian winters.
You only get one set of teeth…
Which is why you should take very good care of 'em, lest you end up like those women on TikTok who do reverse catfishing videos where at the end they reveal that all of their teeth are dentures. And honestly, no disrespect whatsoever to denture life, but we are trying to hold on to our own chompers, FWIW. Anyway, Neiman Marcus is having a big old sale right now—it ends this weekend, so get movin'—offering $50 off purchases worth $200+; $100 off purchases worth $400+; and $275 off purchases worth $1,000 with code SAVENOW. What to grab? In addition to SMEG appliances, Staub Dutch ovens, and a velvet suit or something, Foreo's Issa 2 sonic toothbrush, which has soft silicone bristles and 16 adjustable cleaning modes.
The cunnilingual simulator that gives us heart eyes
Sexual wellness lords LELO are having a sale on their line of toys that feature sonic vibration, which includes several best-sellers, but perhaps most enticing, the Enigma, which is one of the latest additions to the brand's collection of high-end orgasm bringers. With its combined clitoral suction and G-spot stimulator, it's a dual stimulator that truly keeps on giving (the cummies)—and right now, it's 15% off.
A Madewell blazer that's secretly a mini-puffer
Right now, over at Madewell, you can get up to 30% off loads of great fall stuff (sweaters, puffers, etc.) by using the code GOSPREE, which in this case means saving almost 40 bucks on this menswear-inspired plaid jacket that looks like a blazer, but is quilted and comforter-like enough to be wearable all through winter.
Instantly become a Functioning Adult with clean floors
Right now, suck masters Dyson are offering $50 off the Dyson V10 Absolute and the Dyson V8 Absolute, as well as free shipping and complementary tools until October 30. To have a Dyson is to love one. The five-second rule can become the five-hour rule when your floors are that clean.
You're gonna be spending more time in bed, so you've gotta have a good one
Yep—our winter hibernation approaches, which is why we want to optimize it with the best mattress possible, like a dreamy Saatva, known for its premium memory foam, organic, natural and hypoallergenic mattresses. Right now, the sleep kings are offering $200 off mattress orders worth $925+—although this deal ends Monday, October 25, so pick up a classic innerspring or Loom & Leaf ultra premium memory foam mattress sooner rather than later.
A space heater for blasting your feet under your WFH desk
It's gonna get brisk AF soon, and sometimes wool socks and proboscis monkey slippers just aren’t enough! That’s where the Lasko Ceramic Adjustable Thermostat Space Heater comes in. It has 11 different temperature settings, a convenient carry handle, and built-in overheating protection. (It’s also majorly on sale right now.)
The moose is loose
And it’s heading in a full charge directly for your shopping cart. Abercrombie, in case you haven’t been paying attention, is cool again, and the brand is having a 15% sitewide sale on all of its products right now, including these men’s camo joggers and women's sherpa shirt jacket, perfect for layering (and fine, if you wanna use the word "shacket," we can live with it).
'Blade Runner' is our year-round aesthetic
If you’re not hip to the Scandinavian wet-weather brand Rains, welcome to the party. The dead-simple lines and smooth matte finish of the company’s Taupe Rain Jacket scream, “I know how to dress, and I’m dry AF.” It's $45 off right now, and we're always looking for rain jackets that don't make us look like a rubber ducky.
Annihilate your noodles
It’s not a Theragun—though we do stan—but it smashes your bis, tris, and thighs just as well. The Hypervolt Bluetooth Percussion Massage Device targets deep tissue to help relieve muscle soreness and stiffness, improves circulation, and helps expand your range of motion. Plus, it’s $100 off right now.
You are not a soup bowl
So stop washing your hands with dish soap, Brad. Instead, save 30-ish% on this Crackled Glass Stoneware Soap Dispenser by Kerry Brooks from our favorite purveyor of wacky and amazing products, UncommonGoods. Go green by ditching the endless string of plastic bottles and picking up some soap refills from Blueland.
They probably didn’t have this wand at Ollivander’s
Unless you bought your copy of Harry Potter from the adult video store at your local strip mall that is somehow still in business. Anyway, if you know us, you know that we’re big fans of discreet sex toys, and the Le Wand Petite Wand is no exception. (It’s like the little sister to the Hitachi Magic Wand, one of the most loved and lauded sex toys of all time.) Despite it’s slight appearance, it packs a punch with 10 powerful vibration intensities and six vibration patterns. It’s also cordless and USB-rechargeable, which we love for Mother Earth. Don't forget to use the code FALL at checkout, and enjoy 33% off.
For when you bring your sk8r friend to the beach
This towel, which tastes vastly better than the beer it displays, is both absolutely sick and wicked on sale. Designed in collaboration with Coors—shocker—this sustainably sourced towel is soft, absorbent, and won’t fade, so your beach days (or bathroom towel rack) can be full of Fall Fuckboi energy. Since temps are cooling, it's 40% off right now—but its good vibes will bless you through next summer, when you can show it off at the beach again.
See you next week.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.