Can’t Afford Frank Ocean’s New 25K Cock Ring? Cop These Instead.

It’s been a year since Frank Ocean officially launched Homer, the independent luxury brand that has given us pixelated silver pendants, hand-rolled Italian silk scarves, and other drippy wares instead of a new album. And while the cost of some of the items seems manageable, such as this $40 USD silicone keychain, others are about the price of a new hybrid Hyundai. One such item is the new $25,000 USD XXXL H-Bone Ring, which is available for purchase online and at the brand’s New York City location:

The luxurious cock ring debuted on Homer’s Instagram last week, where it was modeled by a lathered-up Ocean in soap. The H-Bone Ring marks the brand’s first foray into sexual wellness, and brings new meaning to some of the most iconic lyrics from the artist’s album Blonde, such as, “I’ll be the boyfriend in your wet dreams tonight,” and “Hand me a towel, I'm dirty dancing by myself.” Twitter has also been going understandably wild in response to this drop, with some *chef’s kiss* fresh memes: 

There are more cock rings available on the site in the $1,300-$5,000 USD price range, but we’re pretty smitten with the one that would cost a chunk of our annual salary. If we had all the rubies and Bitcoin in the world, we’d have no problem shelling out for one, but as it stands, we really shouldn’t be dropping our inheritance on a blinged-out penis ring when we might be on the cusp of a recession. 

Luckily for us, Ocean isn’t the first person to crown his dick with a golden ring. There are so many other sexual wellness sites and brands that offer dazzling, metallic C-rings that will make your penis feel like a real Prince Albert, but won’t cost more than your weekend brunch. This Master Series stainless steel cock ring is gold and accented with a sparkling gem. It’s also earned a 4.2-star average rating on Amazon: 

If your sensibility is a little more Spartan, this stainless steel ring that comes in four different sizes is also an Amazon favorite for its slightly amorphous shape and medical grade, hand-polished materials. In the words of one reviewer, “I love the curve. It fits the body well and has a nice weight. I can comfortably wear [it] all day. When I get hard it feels even better and prolongs my erection. As a nudist the low profile doesn't draw attention like other jewelry I have worn.”

This hand-hammered, gold cock ring has quite a few fans on Etsy, where reviewers praise everything from the quality of construction to the feeling of “pure steel on ur manhood.”  

Down for a more punk C-ring? This one comes with its very own homage to septum piercings, and screams “I love The Buzzcocks and the iconic punk band of the same name.” 

Who doesn’t want a penis ring that matches their lower back tattoo? If you listen closely while sliding this bad boy on, you can actually hear the instrumental version of “Butterfly” by Crazy Town. 

Last but not least, we’re crowning things off with this technicolor cock ring from Master Series, which has left some shoppers in the reviews section feeling a bit insecure, due to its slightly larger size—but, hey, if you’re thusly endowed, let this colorful baby do the talking for you. Speak softly and carry a big [redacted]? 

We’re excited to see Homer bring elevated sexual wellness products into the fold. In a sea of forgettable celebrity brands and sponsored products, Ocean’s luxurious line—as out of our budget as it may be—shows the kind of originality we’re simping for. In the meantime, we’ll be keeping an eye out for gems in our budget and hoping Homer drops a rabbit vibrator next. 

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.