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For those in the know, our friend Jack has also introduced the all too disgusting bacon milkshake (if you’ve tried one of these before, please send me the address of your hospital room so I can attempt to right this terrible wrong. Kale juice? Sure, bud.) If you have a few hours to kill, might I recommend searching “bacon milkshake Jack in the Box reaction” on youtube. It’s, like, Fear Factor second challenge good, possibly as repulsive as consuming bull testicles.
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Not that I’ve ever tried this monstrosity, but I’d like to think it goes against human nature to ingest such a foreign elixir. And that’s not even the best part! The bacon milkshake isn’t listed on Jack in the Box’s menu. Oh no, you have to request this bad boy.Truth be told, I haven’t partaken in any of this garbage—and as a vegetarian, it didn’t seem as though this bacon culture wanted me very much either.But on our way to that show this summer, Gasface said he was hungry so we were forced into detour by way of a nearby Burger King. After watching them chow down on some burgers, I made the comment that I (and my lower intestines) would regret for the following week.Me: “Burger King? Don’t they have a bacon sundae?”Gasface: “Whaaaaaaat?” (I cannot begin to describe Gasface’s obsession with ice cream. If you ever stumble upon a copy of his zine, “Quality of my Life,” you’ll notice that the cover page is almost always dedicated to frozen treats.)Me: “Yeah, part of their summer deal. Bacon sundaes!”Gasface: “I’m getting one.”And so, we purchased Burger King’s illicit bacon sundae. Shit should come with a parental advisory.I took a bite of Gasface’s sundae. And another.The bacon chunks looked surprisingly similar to the fakin’ bacon of my vegan past—unnatural browns, vibrant reds, and all too familiar oranges (orange bacon?)The actual sundae comes with the fixin’s you’d expect from a frozen dairy treat: hot fudge, some caramel drizzle on top in a lackadaisical fashion. The surprise, of course, comes with the bacon—the sort of savory additive not common in the unsavory sweetness of dessert.
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I’m especially partial to the “waver” comment. Perhaps something along the lines of this:BACON SAFETY WAIVER & IDEMNIFICATION
- READ CAREFULLY: THE SECTION IS A LEGAL RELEASE, ASSUMPTION OF RISK, WAIVER AND COVENANT NOT TO SUE AGREEMENT
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