Michael Kiok with his dog/sexual partner.Having sex with animals really isn't as niche or illegal as you might have expected (or hoped for the last time you watched our Colombian donkey fucking documentary). Rather than solely being the preserve of grainy internet footage and time-ravaged, sepia-tinged porn mags, you'll be glad to hear that the practice of fucking national fauna has actually been completely legal in Germany since 1969. Because that's kind of damaging for everyone involved—and in light of allegations that 500,000 animals die annually in the country due to extreme sexual practices—the German Parliament is currently drafting a law that will ban zoophilia by mid-December, making the offence punishable with a $32,058 fine.
Michael Kiok from zoophile organization ZETA is the only person standing up for those who like to toss off horses by publicly opposing the law. I called him up to see how the new law will affect him and his fellow zoophiles.
VICE: Hey Michael. So what's your problem with this proposed law against bestiality?
Michael Kiok: It’s just bullshit. The animals we live with are in our social group and we are in theirs—we’re one herd.OK, interesting theory. Will this law make it illegal for you to carry on having sexual relationships with animals?
No. Psychologists studied 120 zoophiles and found that zoophilia is a sexual orientation. You can’t just stop these feelings. After ten years of trying to be married, I got divorced and decided not to force myself into the role that society had given me anymore.Isn’t 2012 a bit late to be enforcing a bestiality law?
We've had them in the past, but the prohibition of sexual contact between humans and animals was abolished in 1969 because the philosophy of penal law had changed—it used to be about morality, but then they changed it to a philosophy based on infringing on someone’s civil rights. In German law, at least, an animal is still a “thing” and they have no rights. It’s a pity they don’t, but that’s the reality. It’s only now that someone who uses animals for sexual gratification or someone who trains animals to be used by others for sexual gratification can be persecuted.
What’s the difference between zoophilia and bestiality?
Zoophiles love their animals and have an emotional attachment to them. Then, perhaps—if the animal wants it—they develop a sexual relationship. There are also people we call beasties who are just interested in sex with the animal. They’re still good to the animal, but they don’t have concept of partnership with it. Then there are a minority of people who sexually torture animals. We call them zoo sadists and we’re totally against that.Do you think people have the wrong idea about you?
Yes, there are people who say we're criminals and torturers. Thirty of them showed up at my front door once making a lot of noise about what kind of sicko I am. Interestingly, more than 90 percent of these fanatic activists are women.
Why do you think that is?
I think women see animals as children and—for them—children aren't allowed to possess sexuality. These women are very eager to castrate everything. They think that men are always brutal and forceful and they want to protect children and animals from them. They think we’re raping the animals, but I believe there are nearly as many women zoophiles as male zoophiles.Tell me about the animal brothels.
A Danish newspaper wrote in 2005 that Danes were coming to Germany for these animal brothels. Although the head association of animal shelters in Germany said they didn’t know anything about animal brothels, lots of people thought there must be some. A year later, Parliament asked if the search had any results but the police said they didn’t find any. We don’t know of any and, to be honest, if anyone’s going to know, it’s probably us.
What do you say to people who argue that an animal can’t consent to sex?
They’re partly right. Of course it is possible to force yourself upon an animal, but we zoophiles call that rape. Zoophiles have ethics, too. One of the basic rules is that you don’t do anything an animal doesn’t want to do and you can't tie an animal down. You must always leave the animal the chance to fight back or walk away. If you’re too eager to have sex with a bitch she’ll jump at your face and bark, or a mare will kick you in the stomach, which isn't very fun.Do the animals ever come onto you?
Yes. My bitch has no interest in sex, but sometimes she likes to be masturbated by a finger. She comes to me when I lie here on my sofa, she goes on her side and uses one of her paws to pull my hand to her belly, then I know she wants me to stroke her vagina. Similarly, a male dog will try and mount you.Yeah, they tend to do that.
You would have pushed him away, but zoos wouldn’t—they’d kneel down and see what happens.
Phwoar.What’s the sexiest animal?
Some zoophiles are attracted to dogs or horses. Or both. Or to several species. Everything exists. The most popular animal is the male dog, then the mare, then the female dog, then the male horse, then all the other animals.Isn’t male horse sex notoriously deadly?
When it comes to horses, sexual intercourse is not always performed. Some people engage in it, but a man died a few years ago from a ruptured colon. Instead, you stroke the horse, lie beside them, or masturbate him or her.
That sounds really romantic. What about the more exotic animals?
There are stories of people who have sexual contact with snakes, but I've never met one of them. I know someone who had sexual relations with a female tiger.Jesus.
Yes, indeed. But she died, unfortunately.Somebody fucked a tiger to death?
No, the tiger died because of old age. They knew each other and loved each other.Surely a tiger would fuck you up.
They fed her first.They wined and dined the tiger.
[Laughs] Yes, that’s right.I think I need to leave now. Bye.Follow Aleks on Twitter: @SlandrMore times humans have done gross stuff to animals:Conclusive Proof That There Is No God and Humans Are Essentially EvilScientists in Wales Have Been Sewing Kittens' Eyes Shut