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We Asked the European VICE Offices What They Think About #Piggate

Some are shocked by the allegations regarding David Cameron. Others can't see what the fuss is about.
September 21, 2015, 7:25pm

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Late last night the Daily Mail published allegations that David Cameron put his dick in the mouth of a dead pig as part of some kind of initiation ceremony back in his university days.

The story has taken the UK by storm—but how do Europe's more open-minded countries feel about #piggate? We got in touch with our European offices to find out.

ITALY

A few years ago, I took a trip to Amsterdam 'to see the Van Gogh Museum.' I remember feeling deeply embarrassed as I stared at all the T-shirts celebrating Berlusconi's sex scandals in the local gift shops. For years, whenever someone mentioned Italy, the only thing people would talk about was what our prime minister did with his junk—so we know how this feels, guys. You're not alone.

That said, it feels good to be able to laugh at another PM. And it's an even sweeter feeling this time, because the United Kingdom has always been perceived as some sort of moral role model. Top lad, David.

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— Mattia Salvia, staff writer

GREECE

Truth be told, the #piggate affair didn't really surprise many people here in Greece. We've known for ages that the conservative leaders of Europe are quite partial to inserting their privates into P.I.G.S. (Portugal, Italy, Greece, Spain).

We don't really believe that this story is anything but a surrealistic yarn. It can't be true. It just can't. Because if it is, if an individual who enjoys sticking his cock into a dead pig's mouth can become the helmsman of one of the most powerful nations in the world, then you lot over there should probably take that suitcase labeled 'here be nuclear weapon codes' from his sweaty, pig-abusing hands.

— Frixos Fintanidis, online editor

GERMANY

A couple of years ago, a guy's story went viral after he called into Germany's most beloved talk radio show. The man explained that he had this ritual where he'd buy 100 pounds of minced meat, form a woman out of it, and then proceed to have sex with it. So compared to that, putting your penis inside a dead animal's mouth without any actual thrusting sounds kind of lame. Even if it's allegedly been done by a drugged-up prime minister-to-be. Sorry, dear British friends. When it comes to creepy genital-related stuff, Germany still wins.

— Lisa Ludwig, staff writer

DENMARK

Life's weird, huh? One day you're just having a laugh, allegedly stuffing your bits in a pig with your mates at Oxford, next you're the leader of Britain.

Of course, this revelation could be some sort of Tory tactic to ensnare Britain's bestiality vote. Maybe, from now on, whenever someone googles 'horse dong for rent,' David will be there in their defense. Maybe whenever PETA cries out against using frogs as nature's own Fleshlight, Cameron will take up the fight—whatever it takes to win over those last pesky voters. And to be honest, is that not the kind of man you'd want at the helm, Britain? A hero, who will stop at nothing—not even animal necrophilia—to secure Britain's future?

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— Alfred Maddox, staff writer

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

SPAIN

Personally I'd be insulted if politicians didn't do weird shit in the "glory days" of their youth. We all love those stories about private societies where people succumb to peer pressure and do crazy things. I wouldn't hesitate for a second to swap my job and arms to spend just a couple of minutes at one of those parties.

But our university days were all about Pot Noodles and makeshift beer bongs. Man, those politicians party on another fucking level.

— Alejandra Nuńez, online editor

SERBIA

Needless to say, the first thing that came to mind was that episode of Black Mirror. Given that I work in media and am bombarded with weird shit like this every day, it's hard to be too surprised.

Anyway, so what? Did he kill anyone? No. Did he beat up a homeless person? No. That said, nobody wants to have that image of Cameron and a dead pig jammed in their head. No picture? It didn't happen.

— Magda Janjic, online editor

SWEDEN

"During my first year at a British university in the East Midlands, I heard some truly fucked up things. One of them was about the guy who accidentally ate a genital wart while going down on a girl. Another was about this girl who gave the elderly man who sold kebabs outside the union a blowjob for some chips. I also remember hearing about the hazing rituals over at a student hall where basically everyone played rugby: The one where everyone had to down a drink consisting of old dairy products, blood, cum, and vomit.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, because I'm not really that surprised by Mr. Cameron allegedly putting his dick into a pig's mouth at uni. Some truly fucked up shit goes on at British universities and if this is the worst thing David has done then we can all agree that the guy is pretty normal.

— Camila Catalina, online editor