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The Issue that Suckkks

Not Fit to Print

This first piece of paper was given to a tall, big-titted Asian girl who always has freaks hitting on her.
December 1, 2002, 12:00am

This first piece of paper was given to a tall, big-titted Asian girl who always has freaks hitting on her. This guy (a total fucking stranger) knew he was up against some stiff competition so he decided the smartest thing to do would be to sneak her this note and walk away. The first part is sarcasm and the second part is him being himself. I guess she’s supposed to go find him after reading this and be all like, “Me too.”
Oh my God, So like, I totally like movies with subtitles because they sooo help out my conversations and all of that … you see, I’m so tired of talking about where I live and how much I pay so let’s really talk. This second gem was actually read aloud at a party in New York. Here’s what the girl who stole it included with the note: “I was at a party with a bunch of horrible people; the kind that just graduated from NYU and still talk about Sept. 11. They were doing coke and probably weren’t used to the ego boost because one of the girls announced she had a poem she’d like to recite to the party. She recited it in the corniest way possible. It was really embarrassing. As far as I can tell, the poem is about how a drunk, lonely girl got banged by a stranger and then missed work because she was hungover.”
“Last Night, This Morning”
So I’m strollin’ east past Soho, down Ludlow
Groovin’ with my girls
Hips swayin’
Beats playin’
In my head From afar I spot a
Milling-about-after-second-set-and-fifth-beer scene
Outside of Arlene’s
And my feet… Make a little skip-stop-skid
And shimmy between parked cars
In the middle of the block
To b-line
To what?
Don’t know don’t care ’neath masquerading whiskers
I meet kind eyes
With pupils of mischievous danger-
The kind of soulful, well-intentioned danger
That comes without
Warning labels, handling instructions, and disclaimers Invincible on Thursday
Callin’ sick on Friday Tryin’ to explain to the secretary that
My reason,
My professional treason,
Is you. Wendy Mullin of Built by Wendy fame gave us two beautiful gifts this month. One is from a very religious teacher she had in high school. It was during a Breakfast Club–style Saturday detention wherein Wendy, after repeating “Satan, Satan, Satan” (from the Butthole Surfers song) to Mr. George, was given this note to take to the principal. Wendy just took the note and went home. Mr. George was never the wiser, and she never returned to detention. Look how frantic he was when he wrote it.
John White or Matt Houiard,
Wendy Mullin is going around school saying Satan every time I see her, well, just about 96% of the time. I’ve asked her and her friends to stop, but they keep repeating, Satan, Satan, Satan __.__.
Something must be done!!!!!
I’m tired of this!!!!!!!!
Mike George
2/25/88
10:28 The second Wendy letter is from an incident that took place 13 years later. After being fucked over by some Japanese distributors who were taking too long, Wendy lost it. They were so mortified by her reaction they sent this.
Dear Ms. Mullin,
Would you like to do business with us? We say we pay for US $3,110.00 soon, but we are still arranging our payment. If you want to do so, we will make wiretransfer as soon as we received your confirmation. Not so, we have to cancel this order. But you have to say sorry to FUCK YOU. We never hear such kind of word from any supplier. Best regards,
T. Terayama.