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Out of everyone involved I hate my mum the most because she was so easily persuaded by his family. She blackmailed me and she made my life miserable until I married him. I miss my old life. The best time was when I got to travel from town to town to escape my mother and see so many beautiful places in Iran. I had no idea a lot of them even existed.
I never thought I would be married off to some stranger. I thought I would create my own destiny and make myself happy. This part of my life has made me hate men, and I haven’t trusted any man I have met since.Iran has very antiquated ideas and traditions concerning women. We have no support and no respect from the government. When a woman gets married, she’s supposed to receive money from the husband’s family. But the men escape that by just signing a paper confirming that he will give money to the bride. When he doesn’t, he’s supposed to end up in jail—but there’s no room for them in jail! I’m so angry and disappointed at how the system works. In Iran you have to be very strong to oppose the pressure of arranged marriages.
I miss Iran every day but I can’t go back because of my uncle and father. I’m scared of what they will do to me. I feel trapped in Sweden. I don’t think that I will ever feel as content as I once was back home. At least I can still feel emotions, although I sometimes feel that I don’t want to continue this trip anymore. I know that my “husband” is still looking for me. But I’m more afraid of what my family will do to me if they find me.
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My husband was supposed to meet and marry me in Switzerland since our marriage in Iran wasn’t recognized by the European countries. Unfortunately, he didn’t get a visa from Sweden, so he never showed up at the airport. I was stuck there alone for eight weeks while I tried to apply for a visa. My application was rejected. Eventually, I bought a one-way ticket to Sweden. I was lucky that they didn’t check my passport when I checked in. When I arrived, I was put into custody since I didn’t have a visa. Of course nobody at Arlanda airport believed my marriage story, but when they found out about my country’s political situation--that we were at war with Iraq--they finally gave me asylum.I believed that anything would be better than living in a war-torn country without a work permit. But I soon realized that this was miserable too. I tried to build up my new life, but I cried every night for four months. There were so many cultural and climatic differences. My husband and I were like oil and water. I ended up being his maid because he was so lazy. After a while I didn’t feel like doing anything--I was like a prisoner in my home. Two years later I filed for divorce, but my husband threatened to commit suicide, so I stayed with him for a little while longer.Finally I had enough. I packed my clothes in a bag and left him. My family back in Iran was very upset, but they accepted my choice. However, I don’t dare to go back to Iran. I don’t want to risk anything. In my husbands’ family’s eyes I was considered a whore and they threatened me on the phone. It was a very difficult divorce. I was exposed and alone, with no one to help me. But I have a strong will and that saved me. I decided to change and develop. I learned Swedish in three months and started to work as a translator. I eventually remarried someone of my own choosing and started my own business as an assimilation consultant.(translated by Laleh Maghonaki)