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Vice Blog

NEW YORK - STILL 1,818 WEEKS AWAY FROM BEING BANISHED TO TILL THE LAND

Here we stand again, lonely runners of the aft, showing you the story chum we fed everyone else. Nice try,

Yahoo News

, circulating info on some guy in India who hasn't washed in a really long time. If you'll recall, Baby Balls was on that beat several months ago with his

"Medieval Slimes

" experiment, where he practiced grooming rituals invented before King Ivar the Boneless invaded Anglia. But we will sheepishly admit this article pointed out one antediluvian protocol we overlooked: that hopping on one leg while getting stoned is the same thing as taking a shower. Sorry, Baby Balls—that probably would've been more fun for all of us than having you stew in your own genital "tallow" for two weeks. (Thanks again for the mental image.)