1 THE SEDITIONIST
Our favorite thing from Freshjive’s weirdest series of clothes and accessories. The Seditionist is the Mike York doll. Not only does York skate for monsters like Chocolate, he is also the funniest dude we know. Now he’s a fucking action man with a goalie mask, a riot shield and a dozen other war toys. Too good. 2 HOMEMADE CLARK’S
Cutting your Clark’s to bits can make them a bit slippy (it’s hard to improve a design that’s over 120 years old), but then nobody else in the world has a pair. This particular alteration makes them wearable with no socks so you can take them on vacation. 3 MONA ALCOOL
When Romanian alcoholics drink Alcool they can hallucinate real, real bad. So bad in fact that the people at Scandic Distilleries were forced to change their hungry wolf bottle (called germ killer) with a sexy summer nurse bottle (called Mona).
4 BEER LOLLIPOP
This is not cool. Mexican beer companies are making beer candy so kids will drink beer later on.
5 CRACK CLUB SUSPENDERS
This is not cool. British suspender companies are trying to get kids to smoke crack.
6 VINTAGE POLAROIDS
Now that digital camera sales are exceeding real camera sales, vintage Polaroids seem more noble than ever. From the totally illogical design of the Captiva (looks like a tiny 35mm but you have to unfold it 30 times until it’s as big as a car) to the iZone (it’s sticky film has made it the best-selling camera in the world), Polaroids represent all that is good in the world.
Check out our 192 most favorite Polaroids on p. 69.
7 YAMAHA QY70
Nothing beats this tiny toy for making the cutest and most gay-ass bubblegum tunes in the world. The QY100 is big and awkward with lame clap tracks but you can create an entire band on the QY70 with just eight sequence tracks and a few sound effects.
Freezepop did. See their interview on p.41.
If your cervix doesn’t enjoy having a penis bash into it 3,000 times a day you may be familiar with the crippling ache of a bladder infection or, as old people call it, honeymooner’s disease. You can drink infinite liters of cranberry juice as you sit on the toilet groaning or you can take a Uristat and feel better in about five minutes. Aside from the alarmingly orange pee color this is the most effective drug on the market since heroin.
9 HEAVY METAL KARAOKE
God bless everyone out there that tries their best during karaoke. Don’t scream your head off. Don’t hog the mic. You’re there to simulate the song. If there’s one person on the verses and a bunch in the choruses then you should only let other people come in on the choruses. If you’re doing “Paradise City” then you have to sing it like Axl. This documentary has some real troopers, but our favorite part is when the band has a serious discussion about cutting down “War Pigs” to a reasonable length.
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