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Our fave reader's letters

Big Balls
Dear Vice,
This is that photo I was telling you about. This kid was wasted in the parking lot of a Green Day concert at Giants stadium. We told him he had to do something good for a picture if he wanted a free t-shirt. He goes, "I've got the biggest balls in the world! Does that get me a free shirt? Look at these…"

Pool dudes
Dear Vice,
These are photographs that I took working as a "pool technician" last summer. I've been working in the industry for over four years and am completely unlicensed even though I do plumbing work (residential pools can hold up to 21,000 gallons of water), electrical work, fuck around with gas lines, install 240,000-btu pool heaters (stronger than a home furnace), and handle hazardous chemicals. The suburban pool industry is so unregulated and fly-by-night that it's basically total anarchy.

Mix CD
Dear Vice,
Last night I got high and made this mix CD for yourself and the rest of VICE. It's my way of letting you know what kind of music is important to me; which is in my opinion one of the best ways to get to know somebody. It's my hope that after reading this letter and listening to the songs, VICE would be willing to take me on as an intern, paid assistant, or otherwise.

Parasomniac pisshead
Dear Vice,
I have a problem. It started about a year ago when I was on holiday with my girlfriend's family. We all had dinner together and then hung out in the hotel bar. After a few drinks my girlfriend went to bed and I hung out with her brothers. I was kinda nervous about meeting them (one is a cop and the other is a boxer) so I steadied my nerves with a few whiskeys. A few turned into a shitload and soon I was challenging them to a shot contest. Roaring drunk, I eventually stumbled upstairs to the hotel room…

Worst t-shirt
Dear Vice,
I spotted this on the sale rack at some vintage $60-80s-rock-shirt place on Main in Vancouver. It is quite possibly the single worst shirt in the whole history of fucking humanity. Only problem is, I can't figure out how exactly to classify it: Post-ironic-skeeze-out? Meta-dirtbag?