OK, we don't know if it's that whole Charlie Kaufman business from last week, but evidently we are at war with Wired magazine because they just dragged our good name into what may well be the gayest article of all time. This girl paid this schmuck $500 to paparazz her, then wrote about it in that obnoxious college-journalism style where you let the first paragraph "set the scene." That's plenty bad on its own, but then she goes on to cite her impetus: "People don't want to pose for glamour photos; they want artful images that look unstaged and off-the-cuff, like a party pic from TheCobrasnake or a tousled cover model on Vice magazine."For the record our covers for the past year and a half have featured a clown, ice cream, a highway, a Mexican girl, Shane MacGowan, a bear, a drawing, another drawing, a painting, a typewritten list of names, a Swedish punk from 30 years ago, a bunch of Halloween masks, a horse, yet another drawing, a stuffed wolf, some people covered in whipped cream, a kid sniffing glue, two asses, an Iraqi kid holding a gun, still another drawing, and finally, more than 21 months ago, a grid of girls the 33rd of which, we admit, is slightly tousled. This is as galling as the other night when someone said to our managing editor, "New Vice eh? Got any pictures of shit-covered dicks in there?" People, it has been years since we had a dick with shit on it in the magazine.